


Haunted

by au_bade



Category: Baek Dong soo/Yeo Un - Fandom, History - Fandom, Ji Chang Wook, Kdrama - Fandom, Korean Actor RPF, Korean Drama, Musa Baek Dongsu | Warrior Baek Dong Soo, Yoo Seung Ho - Fandom
Genre: Friendship, Love, M/M, alternative universe, contemporary, pre slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-16
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-02 01:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/au_bade/pseuds/au_bade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.<br/>(I think I made you up inside my head.)”<br/>— Sylvia Plath</p><p>Two missing parts of soul have to be consolidated to fight against their undeterred destiny; not to mention, to overcome their innate fears to accept the supernaturality as well as the abnormality of the events following them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmares

 

 

 

> I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;  
>  I lift my lids and all is born again.  
>  (I think I made you up inside my head.)  
>  Sylvia Plath

 

 

 

**“Must you really kill me?”**   
_Stop_   
**“………..you sworn in front of ………. To kill me”**   
_Stop_   
**“I must be the one to kill you”**   
_Stop……please stop……please……don’t_   
**“If I had to……”**   
_Don’t……_

He wakes up with a startle. Two butterscotch eyes probe into the darkness, making it familiar with his surroundings. The last fragments of dream are still roaming in his mind, chilling his flesh and blood in addition to the goose bumps taking all over his body. For a minute, he just lays there staring his roof wall like he does after his dream. As always, that recurring dream leaves him with the pounding of heart and a strong desire to.... to do what? That unknown "what" makes this dream more than just a dream for him, making him totter on the invisible line of reality and dream.

 

* * *

 

“You had that dream again?”  
“Huh.” He takes the bite  
“Anything new?”  
“Ummuh” He shakes his head with mouthful.  
“Still unclear?”  
“Huh.” He gulps down all with milk and stands up to leave.  
“Say something. You are making me nervous.”  
He sighs deeply and looks at his mother whom concerned eyes were piercing his body.  
“Nothing is ground-breaking Mom… I am used to of all this now. Seeing these dreams every now and then is not a new thing any more. Anyhow, I have an early class so time to fly. You take care…..and don’t you dare worry.” His threat only makes his mother smile which was his intention anyway. He hurriedly gathers his books, pecks his mother on cheek and leaves.

 

* * *

 

He blindly runs out of his house like someone is after him. Throughout his breakfast ritual he was trying to act normal, submerging it for his mother sake. Otherwise he knew too well how normal he really was.

“I am used to of all this now” he snorts on his dialogue bitterly.  
“Hell if I am ever going to get used to of all these dreams.”  
He does not know the exact time or date which triggered it and in result he started having these dreams…. repeatedly but it has been for too long and for too many times to let it slide with just a nod or shake of his head. It seems like just yesterday when he woke up from this nightmare, thrashing around, with his mother at his side worried.  
“Nightmare”  
He does not even know whether it is counted as a nightmare or a wistful dream which makes him scared and yearned at the same time.  
“Being scared is a certain thing but what am I yearning for?” He recalls asking his doctor that question in his first session.  
“This yearning can be out of curiosity”  
“Curiosity for what?”  
“Are not you curious where will these dreams lead you to?”  
“I am not curious at all…I just want to stop having these dreams”

He rolls his eyes remembering his downright pathetic lie. “Of course I am curious…I am curious like hell. Who would not?.... after seeing himself killed by some unknown person in his dreams repeatedly. And that doctor cannot understand his yearning. He cannot even comprehend it. Curiosity is one thing, but yearning, this yearning cannot be accounted for mere curiosity. It is like sheer longing…longing that you can only feel when you miss something precious or dire from your life. Like you have lost an important part of yourself.  
Lost an Important part??

But he has nothing to wish for more from his life, at least that’s what he thinks so. He has mother who dotes on him like a mother should at one time and hears him out like a friend another. He has million girls who flaunts themselves upon him and it is another matter that he doesn't feel like flaunting himself upon them too. He has friends who stands by his side loyal only to him. He has mind that earns him the respect of his teachers and envious snide remarks from his friends.

Up to his this age, about one thing he is positive. He doesn't have any enemy.... at least not to ‘I will kill you’ level.

Every night he dreads to go to sleep, thinking these dreams will haunt him again. But something, a wee part of him desires to see the outcome of all these dreams. These dreams were already becoming more and more vivid and real with the passage of time and on some occasion some even turned into the feeling of déjà vu which had exceeded beyond his control to suppress and all he could do was to keep it quiet, pilling up, nesting them inside. He cannot explain it to anyone in fear of being called a freak.  
“Freak??” he sighs again, more loudly this time then suddenly cursed when glances towards his watch.  
"Shit!! I am late again”

 

* * *

 

  _Hey Yoo Seung ho!!!_

_Oppaaaa!!!_

_“Seungha..”_ receiving all other greetings with a nod, he does high five with his best friend Woo Bin and sat on his seat.  
“Were you out last night or what?” woo bin inquires  
“Why?”  
“I tried calling but you didn't receive”  
“Oh! That… I called it a day early”  
“Then why do you have bags under your eyes” he raises an eyebrow, suspiciously.  
“I have dark circles?? I didn’t notice”  
“You sure….”  
Seungha sighs in relief when teacher’s arrival made his friend stop rambling. It is not like his recurring dreams were a huge secret between them. He did mention it to Woo Bin in passing but just once without mentioning the repetition and sequels that he was having till now.  
“Hey!! I have a nightmare last night, I saw someone killing me with sword.”  
“Really?? Wah…. Not with any other weapon but sword”

He was fascinated with sword, alleged weapon in question. As much as Yoo Seungha loved to call him his best friend, sometimes his obsession with Korean history made him cringed.  
“Were you wearing the traditional dress and had long hair too?”  
“Sorry!! I was too much busy dying you know” He replied sarcastically  
“But won’t you look a little girly in long hair Seungha?”

Even his sarcasm could not deflate his cheekiness. God knows that man is made of thick skull where insult bounce back to the sender. It resulted in throwing books and ended on punishment but Woo Bin‘s questions had made him think over the dream from the different prospect.

Yes he was wearing a traditional Korean dress in black color with crimson lining on cuffs and other person was draped in blue royal guard costume.  
“But was not black dress for the people who had hidden agenda back then and how did I know that other man was a guard.” He mused and then forcibly shook himself out of his nitwit theories. He was taking his dreams too much seriously. He was challenging his sanity thinking too much of a nightmare, of course people would think him freak seeing the confliction he was in over the mere dreams.

That’s how he ended up avoiding telling his “dream-mania” to anyone and he never regretted it a least.

 

 


	2. Dreams

 

**Why?**

**Why?**

**For God's sake, why?**

 .....

**What will you do now?**

**I know the truth. Are you going to kill me too?**

He moves around restlessly, trying to ward off the desperation piling up inside him. But that idiotic man resists all his efforts.

**This is fate.  Nothing can be done.**

**If try to escape, there is no way out.**

**Isn't this fate?**

“ _Don't speak nonsense_ _!_ ” He mumbles in his sleep, trying his utmost to beat some senses into the other person but fails miserably.

  **I do not have excuses.**

**Failed people should not make excuses, I know**

**I know….**

 

He wakes up with a jolt. The only sound around him is the tickling of clock and the irregular thumping of his heart. As always, his body is all taut, bed-covers crumbled, blanket half under him, half on the floor and shirt damp, clamping around his stiff shoulders. Even in the notorious freezing weather of New York, he can feel a volcano burning inside him, waiting for the right moment to erupt.

For some time, he just lays there, looking ahead of him, trying vainly to visualize the face from his dreams into the reality but…… just like before, as soon as he wakes up that face has gone, removing all the traces from his mind, leaving behind a nameless longing. An uncomprehended mystery, an unknown man with whom he has been familiar almost all his life but still far from calling him a real person, not just a shapeless figure, a production of his endless dreams. 

Can I tell anyone about it?

Can I confide it to someone?

But even if I try what will I say to them.

_“Hey buddy, I am having my dreams in sequence since my childhood….”_

He can imagine people gawking at him, laughing behind him, pointing figures at him.

"Who can put blame on them? Even to me it is unacceptable."

He sighs loudly in defeat. Finally moving his perspiring body into sitting posture, he picks up a diary from his side table, his only listener and starts pouring out his mind.

__

 

> **_ 22nd September  _ **
> 
> **_ 4:45 am _ **
> 
> _I just had another fight with him. Don’t know how many lives we both have as we have been always fighting. Just two days back I had killed him in the open field and today we were fighting in the forest. Sorry!!! Not we…it was just me, he was defending himself. Asking me to stop, reasoning with me, like he was making any sense with his theories of fate and destiny……sometimes I wish him to appear in front of me just so I could beat him senseless with a bamboo stick. Always running away, always giving up so easily……always...._

 

* * *

“Dad!!! don’t you miss Korea?”

“Why?”

“It’s just you don’t talk about it at all.”

“Neither do you my dear son.”

“But shouldn't you, being a father of such a great man, demand of me to recognize my homeland’s values?”

“You already know”

“Now if by some sheer luck you have got such great son, must you be act reckless?”

_No response_

“Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

“You brat! If you want to visit Korea then go, why are you lecturing me on my fatherly duties?”

This word-match is pretty much a daily ritual on the breakfast table. Where no one accepts defeat, and match go on… go on, never ever ended. Besides the abnormality of recurring dreams, Chang is perfectly normal around his father and acquaintances. Everyone knows him as a bright, lively, and cheeky, not to mention stubborn-to-the-bone man. Since his childhood, whether it is his friends, a person passing by or his teachers, everyone has been doting on him and it has not changed even when he changed into a dandy handsome man.  In his social circle he is an undefeated king, with that title at hand and wealthy father at another; he has enjoyed all the glories of western country, not leaving anything in fright of missing it later.

To not to challenge the normalcy of his precious life, he ended up having a vital secret from everyone, even from his father-cum-friend.

“But not without you.”

“You are not a kid anymore.”

“But you are..”

“You brat!!!”

Narrowly escaping from the rice spoon which was targeting his head, he jabbers on. “Neighbor’s ahjumma has been eyeing you for centuries; you think I can leave you alone?”

“Don’t worry Appa, I will take care of myself.”

Sa Mu looks at his son with all the innocence that he could muster up, considering his age but the problem is; his son is none other than the disciple of Devil who can look right through him.

“Why that “take care” is sounding exactly the opposite of its original meaning?” Chang wiggles his eyebrows, looking at his father suspiciously, not taking his naive expression in any account.  

“Don’t you think I need some colour in my life too.” Sa Mu looks at him hopefully

“Want me to change your body paint?” He rejects his father’s serious appeal with his uncontrolled twisting tongue.

“You brat.”

“Seriously Sa Mu, lose some weight around your tummy then I will never stop you from fooling around. Even pack you nicely and present you as a gift to that….” He gestures through his head towards the door, showing a lady in her forties peeking in their home, “ahjumma.”

“Ahjumaaaa!!!!!!!!” he yells.

And Ahjumma in question fells on the terrace floor, startled, from catching red handed.

“Ji Chang Wook!!!!!” His father reprimands him and went to the terrace in concern.

“Are you okay?”

“Yessss….. I was just looking for milk delivery.” She started rambling

“It is Sunday Ahjumma.” He points out meekly.

“Oh…. I forgot… age demand you know.”

He snorts

“Don’t you have class today?”

“It is Sunday Dad…”

“Oh age demand you know.”

Seeing both of these oldie with raised eyes….”Seem more like future-romance-demand” he mutters and takes a sip from his coffee.

 


	3. Decision in Action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Presented story has been derived from the series about how Joseon historical figure Baek Dong-soo grew to become a swordsman and folk hero. Baek was one of the three authors of Muyedobotongji, a pivotal martial arts work commissioned by King Jeongjo. Set against the backdrop of political maneuverings in Joseon between different factions, namely those led by King Jeongjo, by the Qing ambassador, by the Japanese swordsman Kenzo, and the assassin's guild Heuksa Chorong, at its core the series is a coming-of-age drama about brotherhood, friendship, loyalty and honor. (wikipedia)

 

**_“What expectations you have for me… exactly what do you want me to do?”_ **

Sob

**_“….exactly what do you want me to do?”_ **

Sob

**_“…exactly what do you want me to do?”_ **

“Seungha!!! Seungha!!!”

**_Someone is here_ **

“Wake up Seungha…..”

**_Someone is calling me but…. It’s not him_ **

“Wake up my son….its just a dream….wake up.”

**_Who is it?_ **

“Its Mother Seungha….wake up…..it’s just a dream”

 “Haaaaaaaaa” He opens his teary eyes, finally responding to his mother’s voice and looks at the visage above fretting over him. For the first time in his life, he was facing the feeling of acute adrenaline rush over him. He feels like he has been running for hours or days or maybe months. Wavers of tiredness have been engulfing his whole body in a solid jar, suffocating him. In his daze condition; he tries to move his limbs but soon finds himself in his mother tight embrace. Feeling grateful for the sudden source of warmth, he takes sanctuary in his mother arms like a child.

“Its okay…..its okay…you are safe now”

Hearing his mother voice, he comes around enough to feel his face drenched in tears. _I am crying? I am literally crying_

“You are safe now.” His mother’s soothing voice actually did his undoing. He does not battle with the reason neither tries to acknowledge. He just cry, emptying an ocean all at once, facing the sheer emptiness in retribution....a vast hollowness that no else can fill up.

_Except him_

_“What do you want me to do?”_

_I don’t know who you are…_

_I don’t know what you want from me…_

_I don’t know why you are haunting me….._

_I don’t know why I am even bothering with you_

_But just tell me what you want me to do……_

_**“Exactly what do you want from me?”** _

****

* * *

 

‘Don’t go to college today”

_Silence_

“I have made an appointment with you doctor. It is due in half hour.”

_Silence_

“Mom is worried about you Seungha…. Please understand. These recurring dreams, yelling, quivering, sobbing in dreams, these would have stopped by now if you had been taking your meditation.”

_But I am not_

“Seungha!!!!!!!”

With all his efforts, He forces himself to act presentable.

“Sorry Mom…..for making you worried” He goes to his mother and hugs her. “but believe me I am alright now. I don’t need to consult a psychiatrist again.”

“You need to Seungha….You did not see yourself last night when you were shaking… sobbing….I can’t……” she starts crying

“Okay..Okay I will go……I will go…promise…..just don’t cry Mom….you know it kills me seeing you cry… don’t be hurt because of me please. **_“Don’t be hurt your whole life because a person like me.”_**

Sudden waves of numbness wash over him as none other than his own voice, some far away distance, echoes in his mind. His arms around his mother‘s shoulder come lose and fall back to his side.

“Don’t be hurt your whole life because a person like me.”

 _What is this?....Am I daydreaming or what?_......his body was jolting inside from sheer horror but on surface he tried to gather his wits to respond to this blessing in his arms..... Luckily his startled expression goes unnoticed by his mother.

“I know you don’t like seeing Psychiatrist but trust me it’s for you own benefit.”   

 “I know that too…” He tries to smile for his mother sake but in vain. His lips refuse to act on his whim too. “I think I should leave if I want to keep my appointment.”

‘Oh! Yes….leave” she disentangles herself, wiping her tears furiously. 

“I will call you when it will be over. See ya.”

“You better…bye”

Averting his face, he leaves house in his usual calm manners but actually bolting inside.

 

* * *

* * *

 

**_Why didn't you ask about my wound?_ **

**_….Because I believe you._ **

“I believe you **.”** repeating with the voice…his own voice in his dream.

**_In case... just in case_ **

**_if I was the one who harmed our guys._ **

**_You..._ **

**_Might well be feeling regretful_ **

“You won’t…I won’t” he turns to his left side.

**_“What expectations you have for me…_ **

**_….Exactly what do you want me to do?”_ **

“Come back... that’s all I want”

That’s all……..” turning back to his right side.

**_I will leave here._ **

**_To a place with no people._ **

**_A place that's very far._ **

**_Don't come find me._ **

 He opens his eyes, blankly, seeing nothing in particular. Stare firmly fixed at the wall and mind still reeling in the background from the different flashes of some different life that he had just witnessed. He could still feel the anguish of the other man lingering in the air. The desperation that was emitting from him could have smoothed out if only… if only…….

_If only he would have let me in….._

His voice was still ringing in his ears. It is the first time, for the first time ever that he is able to summon his voice, his impassive facial expression in his mind. He closes his eyes again, ditching the real world in favour of finding someone only existing in the deep valleys of his mind.

**_Don't come find me._ **

**_Don't….._ **

Do you really think I won’t? Me????  I am Bae…….

He sits up swiftly, taking a sharp intake of breath; hand on his heart as if anytime it will come out of his body, shrieking.

"I am Baek Dong so _."_  He pronounces the name, savouring each syllable in process.

_BAEK-DONG- SO_

_Baek Dong Soo_

_Dong so ya_

_Dongso_

Various voices with different expressions roar in his mind, spoken innumerate times in his dreams but coming to life in front of him for the first time.  

_I need to find him_

_I need to look for him…._

Pushing aside the blanket, he gets up from his bed and walks toward his writing table. For a while, he just sits there, gaze fixed on laptop, fingers shaking, accumulating his thoughts. Then making up his mind, he finally opens the lid of his laptop and put that name in the search engine.

 _“ **Baek Dong Soo**  (_ _백동수_ _) (1743–1816) was a swordsman and martial artist who became a folk hero when his group protected[King Jeongjo](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Jeongjo) from assassination attempts.”_

He let out the breath that he was holding unconsciously. “So you are really a real person” He tries to calm down the shock aftershock happening in his mind.  

_“What are you doing in my dreams Ahjussi? Couldn't you find someone in Korea to correspond with?”_

He walks towards his window and glances outside, towards the ‘The City That Never Sleeps’, where even after spending his whole life, he is unable to find sanctuary or any real attachment.  _New York is not my home. It’s time to find this link between the dream and reality._

He knows from other person 's precept what he is going to do is completely irrational. Just on a whim, no one decides to leave his birth place. But how can he explain to anyone that it is not based on some whim. He is following his instincts which have been kicking and screaming at him since he had his first dream… to go…to go find the truth. After all this time, every time when he thought of visiting Korea, he was too much afraid. He was afraid of not finding him, afraid of finding out that all his life he has been living on an illusion, afraid of finding out that he did not exist outside of his mind...in the real world. But now he can at least hope...hope that it won’t be a futile expedition. Half of it has turned out truth; he just needs to check out the other half….the most important part no doubt.

He puts his burning forehead on the cold window frame, and closes his eyes, creating his profile again, giving another try but no avail. He smiles faintly on his countless failures.

_If you are not just a fragment of my untamed dreams_

_If you are a real person, living somewhere in this world_

_If you really do exist_

_Do you think about me too?_

_Do you feel this connection too?_

“I will go insane if I keep on living like that” he mumbles to himself.  Straightening he walks to his cupboard, opens it and brings out a travel bag. He starts putting some clothes and necessities in the bag. Not letting him have any time to think, to dissuade again.

It’s time to go back.

It’s time to face my dreams.

It’s time to find him…. and " _Me"_ _too_. 

 

* * *

 

“Really?”

“Yup…” yawning widely

“Did you stay up all night putting fuel in the airplane?”

“No… too much busy sharpening its wheel.”

“You brat” Sa Mu‘s spoon finally meet with his target, taking advantage of his drowsiness.

“Sa Mu!!!!!!!!!! It hurts.” He yelps and rubs his temple.

“What do you expect then? A wishing card.” He moves around muttering, “Telling me out of the blue.” His words move with his hands and feet….swirling in the kitchen. 

 Chang opens up his bleary eyes and sees Sa Mu spitting fire into the thin air…. Smiling fondly he tiptoes across the kitchen and hugs him from behind.

“I will miss you too Dad.”…. laying his head on Sa Mu’s right shoulder. After some time, Sa Mu composes himself and pats his head in reply. They bid farewell to each other, standing silently in the loving posture.   

 


	4. All Hell Breaks Loose

 

_I am here._

_I have really crossed the ocean for it._

_I am finally here._

He takes a deep breath, filling lungs with the air of his motherland but all of a sudden his cell starts ringing, demanding his attention.

“so you accept you can’t live without me.”

“You brat!” Chang beams on his father’s customary curse. He had already started missing him.

“I have arrived safely….after combating with an army of warriors, giants, goblins and a lot of green eyed witches.” He never fails to make a use of his tongue.

Listening the laughter from the other side, he starts smiling again.

“I have informed you aunt.  She would be there by now to receive you.”

“Okay” he replies, looking for her around. “Have you sent her my latest picture?” 

“Yes. I have sent her your latest, mature picture and have told her specifically that Prime minister is bestowing her with his presence.” He is after all his Father.

“You should have informed the broadcast station too. No one should miss out this great person.”

_Match draw._

“It has become my lifelong dream to beat your uncontrolled tongue my dear son.”

“Then Keep dreaming.” He replies cheekily. “Anyway Sa Mu…”

“Hmm”

“I will call you three times a day.”

Laughing “so you accept you can’t…..”

“monononononono....time to visit this place called earth. If you missed a single call, I will call directly to the Ahjuma’s land-line number” nonchalance to Sa Mu‘s racket “and by any chance if you happen to be there then…uhm uhm..… got it?”

“You brat!!!.”  

 

* * *

“Imo….Imo Imo Imo”

“Yes yes yes”

“Imo I think I must have taken after you.” He articulates, pretending to think seriously.

“Really?”

“Yup….Appa is no match for me, but you…..we can give it a try sometime.”

“Sure…anytime. But what were you calling me for?”

“Oh… I forgot. Which library do you think is good in my research for Korea?”

“You mean history?”

He nodes

“You want to study”

“Hmm… You can say…”  _I want to find someone badly_ ….but that he can’t say.

“You think you will be able to? You are American-return-Korean, your Korean is good for communicating but not good enough for studying History..you see”

“You really think so?”

“Literature and Classical books are a bit difficult to grab as compare to the other books.”

“But…. I want to read. Isn’t there translated books or something”

“There are but like a drop in the ocean. Besides you won’t find the beauty and taste of Korea in it.”

 _Like I want it,_ “then what should I do?”

“You sounds desperate..” she points out in amazed. “I thought you were just here for vacation.”

“Of course I am here to relax” mentally making a note of not trying to alarm his aunt again with his enthusiasm. “But a little History study won’t hurt. Right?”

“Hmm that’s good…then here’s a suggestion. Why don’t you apply for the Korean Literature classes?”

“But I am in the middle of the session. You think it is possible?”

‘Of course.  There are a lot of cases like you. Tourists come and take classes to study Korea more deeply and profoundly.”

“What a relief.” He mutters sarcastically. Then seeing her raised eyebrows, swiftly convert his tone to into an earnest one. “So?”

“So….if you are serious unlike your personality, I can talk with my friend. Her son is also studying Korean literature. When do you want to start it?”

“You see I don’t know how long Sa Mu is going to live without me so I better start it sooner than later.”

His aunt tugs at his hair on his quip. “Do you want me to talk to her now?”

“if it is possible…”

“Of course it is. She lives right next to our door. And if you want it I can introduce you with her son Yoo Seung ho, he can keep you company during your stay.”

“Uuhum… not necessary.” At that very moment, his cell starts ringing so he finishes his conversation in hurry. “You just help me with my course. Thanks in anticipation.”

“You are very very welcome.”

“Hey Dad…” He salutes playfully at his aunt and turns his complete attention towards his father. 

 

* * *

 

“You are back early…” His aunt asks surprisingly, spatula in one hand, coming out of kitchen.

“He was not at home. Need my help with this little thing?”

“No I am fine…. And here I thought you did not like him.”

“Why? Is this likely to happen?” he asks curiously

“Not at all. He is just totally opposite of you. “

“Opposite? Like?” he raises his eyebrow in question

“It’s not like I am complaining; he is just not very talkative. He is pretty much quiet and shy.”

“Oh!!!! That…. Never mind, he won’t be for too long.” He assures her, shrugging out of his jacket.

“very confident kiddo…”

“Kiddo????????” He yelps on the title. “Where have you seen a grown up, dashing, genius bona fide like me? Hmmm? hmhmhm?’

“In my neighbor” she provokes him more.

“You mean Ho Seung Yo?” he asks in mock anger.  

“Not Ho Seung yo but Yoo Seung ho.” She bursts out laughing on his pure foreigners' mistake.

“You seem to like him a lot.” He inquires, washing his hand in the meantime.

“He is very likable… shy but quit charming…you will like him too..mark my words.”

“but won't that be strange....?" He questions seriously. 

"What?" It was her turn to be curious about.

"Korea is still not that open to man lov....." he proceeds with fake caution. 

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaah......." 

 

* * *

“Where have you been? Ji Chang Wook left a moment ago after waiting for you”

Seungha just enters in his house that his mom bombers him with questions.

“Ji Chang?” He penetrates into his mind but finds no one by this name.

“Hye In 's nephew, just came from New York. I told you about him last night.”

“Hmmmm..” he puts his books and mobile on the study table and goes into washroom.

“You know how much Hye In likes you, she must have asked him to pay you a visit. Besides she asks me to enroll him in you Korean Literature classes as well.”

“Hmm”

“I am surprised that how nice he is, even after spending almost all of his life there.”

He smiles on his mother’s assertion.  

“Talkative and mischievous unlike you….”

He snorts

“Dashing, charming….”

“So you have been charmed by him?” He inquires to stop his mother.

“Of course. You wait, you will like him too.”

“Hmm….Omma I need to change.”

“Oh…yes …. I am going to warm up the dinner, come quickly.

“Alright.”

 

* * *

**_“Don’t be hurt your whole life because a person like me.”_ **

His mind was still pondering over the line that he had made himself listen thousands….no million times, rewinding over and over again, making it sound real than surreal. He was hundred percent sure that what he heard that day in the kitchen was not a delusion. He is also sure that he himself is the one who said that line. But if he is the one who said that and if it is not now, or in the last 21 years then when..? 

_“Is it from my previous li……. “_

Woo Bin interrupts his train of thoughts. He was so much absorbed in his own musing that he even forgot his surroundings and woke up, startled, when Woo Bin poked him in the ribs. He gestures through his head towards the Literature Professor, standing on the dais, God knows for how long, with a guy at her right side.

“Now class…Be attentive. Stop fooling around.” She warns some of the students. “Welcome your new friend; He will start studying with you from now on.”

_Guys grunt, Girls all attentive_

“Please introduce yourself.” She vacates her place and indicates the newcomer to introduce himself.  

“Hello!!! My name is Ji Chang Wook. I am new not only in your class but also in Korea so please take care of me.”

“So he is the one” Yoo Seung ho thinks “Mama’s new charming man.”

Then, everything happens all of a sudden, one moment he is s engrossed in his thinking, and the next moment he finds his glance captured by the two soft brown eyes.....and all hell breaks loose.


	5. Chance Enounter

  
He feels a sudden jolt in his guts, a tug in his heart which starts beating faster, irregular. For a moment he thinks of….dying…that was all he could think of ….back and forth... dying….coming alive. He was surprised no one could hear the beating of his heart which was playing like a drum....loudly. He would have continued to fight an internel war but then other man dropped his eyes, breaking the unspoken connection passing between them and turned his attention back to Professor.

Even after the release from the grip of those eyes, he finds him distracting. His peaceful world had shattered and inner turmoil crossed all boundaries of normalcy. He, who always sat tight and active during his class in fear of missing any clue of finding something about his recurring dreams, waited impatiently for the same class to be over. Recurring dream is one thing, hearing voices or seeing things are more than he can digest.

_I should take my meditation properly starting today._

For the next hour, he resigns to his thoughts, formulating plan after plan of putting his life back on track.

 

* * *

 

 

“What is this?” Chang asks himself in panic. What the Professor in front of him is saying or what is happening around him, not to mention, what is that man in question thinking about him is all far from his mind. If he had not broken that connection he did not know what would have happened. All he knows is that he wants to leave this class as soon as possible and runs as far as his legs can take him away....far from him. He does not like what just had passed between him and that guy in the least. He can’t even comprehend this all. Standing there besides his teacher, he does not know why he is drenching in cold sweat? Why his heart is beating fast, uncontrollably? Why a sheer sense of dread is spreading all over his body? why this knee-jerk reaction?? and to what???

A person can fight with a known but this.....how can a person fight with something invisible, unknown and that makes it more apprehensive for him.

After taking the seat assigned to him, he refrains himself from looking at him. Throughout the lecture, he sits like an animal that knowing its hunter is somewhere near waits patiently, cautiously for a signal to make a bolt for his life.

 

* * *

The signal, at last, arrives for them and they both jump to their feet to leave the burning hell behind.

* * *

 

As soon as bell rings, Seungha gathers his things to leave, without wasting a single moment. Any chance to evade the odd episode of his life. He moves, avoiding looking anywhere, those eyes specially, but ends up hurling headlong in the well he was avoiding all along.  

In the struggle to reach the door before the other one, they collide into each other in full speed. Receiving the first hand impact on both ends. They distinctly concedes to the importance of a bumper....and inevitable. Other student, busy in their gossip or chatting, remains oblivious to the current sizzling around them.

Both, one hand on the hurt part, avoiding to look directly at each other, take in the result of their first meeting, involuntarily in their part anyway.

Chang crouches down and picks up the scattered pieces of his mobile; in the meanwhile, Seungha makes himself busy in gathering his books that fell from his hand in collision.

_What the hell?? It is inescapable anyway_

Thinking that, they both resign to their blasted fate and meet each other, eye to eye, second time that day. Speaking simultaneously

“Sorry”

“Sorry’

Smiling formally, and a little bashfully, they give it another go.

“I was in a bit hurry.”

“I was in a bit hurry.”

They again end up speaking at the same time.

_Silence_

Finally Chang taking a cue, extends his hand.

“Hi… I am Ji Chang Wook.”

“I know”

“You know??....oh yes….introduction….in the class.” He starts speaking incoherently, giving Seungha a moment to compose himself.

_Silence again_

Seeing his puzzling eyes, Seungha, mentally kicks himself, and forwards his hand to clasp with Chang’s.

“I am Seungha... Yoo Seung ho …. nice to meet you.”

“Like that?” Chang indicates towards his a little red forehead....playfully.

Seungha, tries to retort but fails miserably …”No….yes….I mean…. I don’t know.”  ending up rambling like Chang.

They both stand there, awkwardly, then Seungha blurts out…

“I need to go…next class… you see”

“Oh! Yes”

“See you around”

“Yeah…sure”

Seungha turns to leave. Chang, finally gaining back his lost confidence, calls after him.

“Are you the Yoo Seung ho my Aunt is mooning about?”

“Hmm….” He smiles uneasily on his use of “mooning” term, nodding,

 “She said for sure that I would like you.”

“hmm....alright... see you around.”

 

He turns on his heal and leaves abruptly.

 

* * *

He knows what he just did was the opposite of society norms…. that he shouldn't respond to someone like that,………. hell it was the first time in his life that he acted like that, and he was regretting....man how much he was regretting....

* * *

 

 

 

'Seungha! Mind taking this dish to Hye In? My hands are full at this time.”

“Sure.....” He forwards his hand to take it then remembering Chang, snatches it back.

“Omma...I am... I am researching for my assignment....”

“Oh! I am expecting some guests otherwise I wouldn't have troubled you... Never mind, I will do it myself, you go back to your work” she turns to leave.

Seungha hanging between 'to be or not to be' finally surrenders to his 'to be' filial duty.

 

* * *

From his way to aunt Hye In's home, he repeatedly prays for Chang’s absence, dreading to another encounter with the man-in-question. But then accepts it dejectedly that God is busy somewhere with some serious matters at hand when none other than Chang opens the door for him.

* * *

 

 

 

Even after taking the dishes from him, Chang does not budge from his spot, leaning against the door frame, staring at him meaningfully.

Seungha looks at him in question, after tolerating it silently for some time.

“I am giving you chance to apologize for yesterday.” He replies to his unspoken question cheekily.

Seungha's cheeks flame up in embarrassment, remembering his rude departure from yesterday.

“Sorry.. I told you I was in hurry...my cl….”

“Apology accepted”... He straightens up from his position and goes inside shouting 'Yoo Seung ho is here Imo,” leaving him behind.

Yoo Seung ho, dumbfounded, looks at his empty place…..then suddenly smiles fondly

_'Nature can never change'_

 


	6. The Same...

 

**“Nature can never change”**

 “What is this?....Where that come from?”

Sitting on his bed, back to headboard, one leg straight in front of him and other bent with his right hand on the top, Seungha again frets over the thought he had on the doorstep of Hye In’s home.

Life has been becoming more and more complicated for him. He is still unable to accept the weirdness of his dreams but now having unusual thoughts….. to think like you know someone is beyond his comprehension. Being a literature student, he knows that nature has a way of showing people what they are most afraid of… and he accepts the he is afraid of this weirdness happening in his life... but most of the time, he wants to beat this  _chi_ of his who even after listening “No…no…no more” from him, is saying “Yes…yes..take more”

_“I am just a good observant that’s all…. It’s nothing to worry about.”_

 He tries in futile to dissuade his fears. Rejecting it even if it has been thrown on his face to accept is another ability that he had just recently developed. All he wants from his life is some normalcy but as time goes by, he finds everything on opposite poles.

  _“Is this wrong of me to desire of it? Is it that hard to attain?... can’t I have a normal life for once.”_

 He can imagine his fate mocking and laughing at him in the background. Putting his hands on his head, he groans loudly. His attention diverts when his cell starts ringing, coming like a fresh breath in the prison for an innocent person. He thanks to God for letting him have some normal things too.

“Hello!!!”

“Seunghaaaaa?”

 _Thanks? What thanks??….God is enjoying this too._ He grits his teeth irritably…

“Where from you get my number?”

_Silence_

“Why it sounds like a scolding given to a stalker?” Seungha’s annoyed question meets with an equal annoyance on the other side “….Of course I took it from my aunt… I need to ask you about something… are you free?….can I come over?” Explaining his point, Chang comes straight to his point

“Isn’t it a little late to visit?” he asks tersely

“Am I coming to propose you? Why are you acting coyly?”

‘Co-y-ly…..?”

“Isn’t it a little late for a visit” he repeats his line..”I think I have heard this line a lot of time in dramas when a boy asks for permission at late night, and in the background you can hear a soft musing playing indicating that he is going to………….”

“What is your point?” Now he can understand that why his mother is so besotted with him, she has found her soul mate after all.

“Professor said to ask you for help if necessary”

“So?”

“So I am asking for help.” He speaks simply, like telling some kid.

“In what case.”

“To be my wingman”…He finally starts sounding annoyed too..” Obviously it is our class related as Professor recommends you like you are a genius of this century.”

“Oh….”

“You coming or should I?”

‘Where?

“Antarctica……. Bring some real warm clothes..it is quite cold there you see.”Chang replies sarcastically

“Very funny.”

“Isn’t???” He asks, feigning joyfulness “Thanks God you have some sense of humour left in you.”

“You talk too much” Seungha grits again in reply.

“And you man talk very little… anyhow come down, I will be there in five minutes…Hung up”

“Hey…..listen….” his shouting meets with an end-up tone.

 What a man?....Does not even bother to listen. Just know how to spout nonsense… he mentally makes a list of the things he said in this short span of time.

Proposal??? Drama?? Girls?? He snorts

Wingman?? ** _Like I am going to help him in this case again._**

Antarctica??? Now where the hell that has come from?

Sense of humour? With him around, how can he dare……

 

* * *

 

“Running away is useless”, he mulls over, “but who says I need to be so prompt?” he smiles devilishly…..but then it wipes out from his face like rebel angels forcibly thrown from heaven.

 “Mind putting aside that hand of yours from the doorbell?” He politely gestures towards his hand resting without budging.

“Oh….sorry.” Chang drops his hand from his doorbell innocently.

“It is Korea where some people still live with their families not alone...do I have to remind you?” he speaks harshly.

“No…every time on radio that man announces like “Hello, I am from south Korea, your new host….I tell myself….aaaaaaahh that's where I am.... in Korea.. and ”

 _“Here he started again..”_  Seungha tunes out, let him keep babbling. He was already adept in this field after spending twenty-one years of his life with his mother.

Maybe his expression betrayed some emotion that he suddenly stopped rambling and poked his left cheek with his middle figure.

Seungha jumps on his feet…”what do you think you are doing.”

“Waking you up…I thought you slept.”

“You are doing all of this on purpose?” he asks suspiciously.

“Yup…” he swiftly nods, emphasizing it….making him rolls his eyes heaven upward.

“You are unbeatable.”

“Good that you know it now…..okay enough talking…..” he curls his hand around his left arm...”Let’s go chingho-ya.”

“Chinghoo……?” Seungha sees him, amazed.

“Did by any chance your nurse drop you when you were born?” He asks very seriously

“Yup” reply comes right away

“Ay?” astonished, he stops in mid stride.

“In my father’s hands.” He winks.

Seeing his dumbfounded expression, Chang bursts into laughter. He starts walking, dragging him along.

 And on the other hand, Seungha, hearing the sound of Chang’s laugh, finds himself calming for the first time in his wretched life since the recurring dreams. A sudden wave of tranquility rushes over him, engulfing his whole body in warmth and Seungha unwillingly finds himself responding to this sudden source of liveliness.

Delusions and dreams aside, he does not think he can stand up against this inevitable much longer. Chang’s  _one sided friendship_.

 

* * *

 

  **Go back, this isn't your business.**

**….But it is yours?**

**I don't want to argue with you. Please! Just leave.**

**….No! You should leave.**

Three lines appear on Seungha‘s forehead as he scoffs off the other man’s in his sleep on his childish behavior.

****

* * *

****

**You think your mighty martial arts can reverse their power?**

**Just go back. Nothing will Change even if you do this.**

**…What can you do then?**

**But you have put so much blood on your hands; you must have gotten everything that you want.**

Chang kicks his blanket off his body, mentally berating himself for whipping the miserable soul.

 

* * *

****

**And what did that saint-like sword of yours do?**

**In the end, it couldn't save anyone.**

**Are you going to make excuses for the dead?**

_“I don’t want to hurt you Dong so-ya…. But you are leaving me with no choice...”_  Seungha mumbles in anguish.

 

* * *

****

**So many people got hurt trusting your lies that you'd protect them.**

**So please put your promises away.**

**Put away that fake kindness.**

****

_“I know…. But I am not going to give up on you… I am going to keep that promise with my life Woo-na”_

 

 

* * *

  ** _“….Shut up”_**

Twin set of eyes burst open in the apex of night.


	7. Kindred Spirits

 

“Seungha” Chang catches up with him in the corridor.

“Hi…” he says in his usual reserved manners

Chang halts in his forthcoming speech and looks at him perplexedly. “Are you by any chance thinking of going back to your words?”

“Which words?”

“Chingu?” He points out, making his lips like a Donald-duck's world famous beak, extracting a funny look from Seungha.

“Last night we decided to be friend… you forgot it already?”

“We?....I didn't say anything like that”

“But you conceded.”

“When?”

“You stopped pulling, yelling, kicking, screaming,,,,,”

“I was just trying to get along with you for my mother’s sake”

“Then do it every day or I will tell your mother.” He throws his arm around Seungha’s shoulder, eyes sparkling with childlike innocence.

“Were you like that back in New York too?” Seungha asks, indicating towards his arm.

“Yup, why?"

“Nothing. It explains why they exported you back to Korea.”

 “You brat” He squeezes his neck strongly to emphasize his mock displeasure.”Accept it that you like spending time with me too….accept it.”

 Seungha elbowed him in his ribs to get away from his strong bear like grip.

 “This is foul.” Chang shouts, looking at him dejectedly

 

‘Everything is fair in love and war.” He replies, walking towards the class.

 

“So you love me?” Chang asks mischievously from behind.

 

“Seems more like a war to me.”

 

“Nahh… we already had our share of war.”  

 

“How come?” Seungha stops in his track and asks curiously.

 

He shrugs “just came into my mind, besides whether you accept it or not, you like me too…..right?....answer me…” he shouts but Seungha keeps on moving forward, waving one hand in farewell.

 

He is well aware by now that squabbling with Chang is like fighting a losing battle. He does not know why he even bothers to do this in the first place. What amaze him more is that he was so scared of him in the beginning and now he feels a strange calmness in Chang’s presence. He is talkative and cheeky just like his mother's male version but all in all he is not that bad to spend time with.

  _And God knows, I want to ease up, if it is possible at all I want to....._

**“I want to go back**

**If it is possible at all, I too want to go back.”**

His own voice, from distant, echoes in his mind again, making him halt on his feet. For a moment, four walls surrounding him feel like a cage to him but this time....he does not let it deter him this time;  _to fight something I need to accept it first._

_Fine! I hear voices,_

_Fine that I sometimes find myself in weird situations,_

_Fine that I am meeting a person in my dreams more than I meet someone in my waking time, Fine….._

__Fine…..???_ _

_What the hell….how can this be called fine?_

All planning of being strong crashes down again.

 

* * *

 

“So our today’s topic is Kindred spirit. Would someone like to define this phrase?”

_“Relationship by blood”_

_“Similarity in character”_

_“Related by blood or marriage“_

_“Of the same ancestry or family”_

_“Someone with the same feelings or attitudes as oneself”_

Various voices roam in the class room, as each student gives his own theory.

“Well thank you. You all seem quite informative in this field”…Professor Moon Si-yon teases her class, then all serious again proceeds with her lecture.

 

 

> _“Dictionary defines a kindred spirit as an "individual with the same beliefs, attitudes or feelings as oneself." The term's long cultural history and relevance in how our interact with others provides us insights into our desire for love and deep connections with people. Kindred spirits are identified as having an almost otherworldly attachment to each other, with bonds that are very difficult to break.”_
> 
> _  
>  _

“In that case you all are right…. That bond can be blood related or can have the same qualities and similarities that you can only share with your family that’s why it sometimes refers as kin-spirit”

“Let’s move on to our next topic 'Soul mates'…how many of you believe in the soul mates concept?” She asks pointedly…”like there is a missing part of your own soul somewhere in the whole universe. Do you believe this?”

There were very few in affirmative note…mostly preferred to remain quiet.

“Just like Kindred spirit, a soul mate is believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. Come to think of it, we can trace the base of this term in the very early era of the earth as it is even mentioned in Plato's The Banquet, a philosopher whose sole purpose was to give an ideal State to his people, who even had banished poets from his renowned book Republic, calling them a wasteful activity of the useless people but mentioned Soul mates concept nonetheless”

Seeing the questioning eyes of all students she goes on. 

 “In his dialogue, it has been told by Aristophanes that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.”

 “This is just a Greek myth Ma’m. We don’t have an army of gods like them; neither do we have any divine power to make them take any severe action against us.” Woo Bin points out

“Greek mythology? What is mythology? First you need to define this very word.”  

Woobin makes _zipped-up mouth_  hand gesture in reply. Taking pity on Woo Bin she moves on to explains it.

“The word in question, myth, can be taken in two categories; a myth can be defined as a sacred narrative explaining how the world and humankind came to be in their present form or in a very broad sense, the word can refer to any story originating within traditions”

“Folk tales?” a girl asks

”Yes… how many of you believe in your legends?” she shots another question towards the class.

_Silence_

“Alright…let’s Change the question, how many of you believe your legends portrayed in the various Historical dramas of the present time?”

 

This caused quite a ruckus this time.

 

“We need to broaden over view and try to overcome this prejudice. Literature and History set out hand in hand to convey the heritage of our forefathers or the great people before us. It is not a private property of any culture. Whether it is western or Korean, we can’t forfeit the importance of Literature. If we take George Saunders’ point into consideration,…yes!!!! English writer…”  she shots a pointed glance towards the class.  “Who says that ‘Literature declines to eradicate one truth in favor of another; rather, it teaches us to abide with the fact that, in their own way, all things are true, and helps us, in the face of this terrifying knowledge, continually push ourselves in the direction of Open the Hell Up.”

 

Class starts laughing again

 

“It is not a laughing matter.” She speaks sternly. “What actually a point is that ‘underneath every myth, mythology or fable, there are some hidden facts, lying low, waiting for you to discover, to dig up. For example, Soul mates concept is not just a Greek or Roman myth rather it’s a universal point and every culture has tried to define it according to its own culture and tradition. We can even find it in religious books.”

 

“Bible?”

 

“More or less in every religion. There can be a differentiation in the way of narration but baseline is always the same. Now let’s turn to what Theosophy says in this field. According to it, God created androgynous souls—equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders. Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.”

 

“Ma’m” a Japanese student, a tourist who has been taking the classes to learn more about Korea, shots out his hand.

“Yes”

“The same as you have said is also mention in the “Kafka on the Shore” by our writer Haruki Murakami.”

 

“And what does he say?” she asks him kindly.

 

“In his book, Haruki says, ‘In ancient times people weren't simply male or female, but one of three types : male/male, male/female or female/female. In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. but then God took a knife and cut everyone in half, right down the middle. So after that the world was divided just into male and female,  _the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing half.”_  

 

“Hmm…same like Aristophanes’ theory in The Banquet…..right students?” after listening, more like savouring each word, she questions the class.

 

“And if I ask anyone to read it, I know most of the student will disappear from this planet.” She mumbles, loudly enough to hear by every student in the class, follows by another guffaw from students.

 

“Now it’s your turn, ask yourself, you will surely find some clues in your life. Like sometimes you get sad without any specific reason. Think… how many of you can vouch for this?”

 

This time a mass reply comes in union…”me”

 

“Like sometimes even after having everything in you palm, within your reach, you feels restless, like what you have now can’t be taken as what you actually want in your life.”

 

“Yes.” Class shout this time

 

Seungha can feel the blood stirring in his body furiously, pulsing in every vein. His mind starts visiting the various episodes of his dreams.

 

“Because here is general theory that the other part of your, the missing one, is sad somewhere, it can be in another continent, anywhere in this universe but communicating with you using this mutual bond between you both”

 

“What if that other part is also a man?” Hyo asks, another classmate.

 

“Then you are a dongseongaeja* obviously” instead of teacher, another boy behind him replies and gets marker as in reward on his head from teacher.

"seon-saeng-nim*" but his plea fell on deaf ears.

 “Suppose that you have four legs and four arms, if someone divides you into half then there is a mighty chance of you having the same gender for the other half, and to the people who relates this term to their lifetime lover, here comes trouble in paradise. Now you both can be close friends and can share a brotherly or sisterly unbreakable bond, in a nut shell it will be referred as “bromance”, a newly discovered term of nineteenth century but if you are lovers and develop a romantic interest for each other then…..then anyone can change this term according to their needs or social position.”

 Class again starts rolling with laughter.

 “Besides, Homosexuality is something you are born with, as compare to soul mates concept which is perfectly clear by its expression concerns with our spirituality. It does not change anything in our anatomy so you can rest assured.

 Bashful giggling spreads all over.

 “In current usage, "soul mate" usually refers to a romantic partner but in the ancient times it had broadened view..…” 

 

Both Seungha and Chang’s mind start reeling.  Unlike the other students participating in discussion, they sit in frenzy, preferring to listen instead of taking part. After all they had been witnessing the logical interpretation of their illogical, incoherent dreams.

 

…..in which sexual relationship was a secondary thought.”

 

“In my knowledge, there are actually three kinds of soul mates: karmic, kindred spirit and twin flame which also called twin soul or divine complement.” Woo-Bin pips in to redeem his earlier quip.

 

“Yes! But as far as kindred spirits is concerned, this is a hard term to define. There is no real description for it. Just like “soulmate” it has varied expressions. The most common meaning for it is to have a bond with someone whom you share the same interest, personality, character, etc. Each can be “himself” around one another and open up fully. The probable difference between “soul mate” and “kindred spirit” is that as we go through life we do come across many people who resemble our own nature.  _Another description of a “kindred spirit” is to find a rare bond with a friend; that “hard-to-find rare friendship.” These friends are usually referred to as the constantly-spoken of, “best-friend.” Platonic friendship sometimes grows from these,_ and things can be very complicated. Like most say, your worst enemy is the person who knows you best. They know how to hurt you because they know your strength and your weaknesses. How it sometimes mixes with the “soul mate” term is because both are somewhat seen on a spiritual level.”

 

“But, don’t forget that love based on sexuality is a totally different thing, it does not have to do anything with being a soul mate or kindred spirit. People spend their whole lives without knowing their other part, if it exists somewhere, and still live up to its fill. Romantic partner is easy to find, but your soul partner is one in the life time opportunity that you won’t get in exchange of your good deeds or anything worth exchanging for. If you believe in destiny then you might have faith in it too that somewhere in this world there is someone who is only made for you, to understand you, to complete you, and that person can be anyone, your brother, your sister, your best friend, you life partner…anyone.”

 

“So this bond?” a girl named Do Hi asks, “Can that other person feel it too?”

 

“Maybe…” Professor replies after some thinking “as Paul Murray says, ‘This is a world where you can lie in bed, listening to a song as you dream about someone you love, and your feelings and the music will resonate so powerfully and completely that it seems impossible that the beloved, whoever and wherever he or she might be, should not know, should not pick up this signal as it pulsates from your heart, as if you and the music and the love and the whole universe have merged into one force that can be channeled out into the darkness to bring them this message. But, in actuality, not only will he or she not know, there is nothing to stop that other person from lying on his or her bed at the exact moment listening to the exact same song.’ So yes, it can be possible, or it can be not… Dream on.”

She shrugs playfully, extracting shrieking, groaning, chuckling, whistling, various human sounds from each and every corner of the room.

But two remained oblivious to the all chaos around them.

“So I have a soul mate, somewhere in this world who is communicating with me through dreams,” Seungha muses.

“So that idiotic man is my kindred spirit, somewhere in this world but visiting my dreams whenever mood strikes,” Chang affirms.

“All in all, I am not a freak.”

“So in general, I am sane just like everyone”

“Dhaeng-ida*”

“Finally.”

They both let out the breath they had been holding unconsciously....

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chingu: Friend  
> Dongseongaeja: Korean word for "homosexual"  
> Seon-saeng-nim: 선생님 Teacher in Korean  
> Dahaeng-ida: What a relief  
> All definitions and quotations are accurate and placed with much research....


	8. Homecoming

 

He was just returning from the Library, after quenching his thirst on the topic in question that perked his curiosity enough to go through each book related to it. Back then he thought that it might be possible but now he was sure. He unfolds a page, and reads it quietly to not alert the passer-by but loudly enough to silence the shrieking of his mind.

> “I believe the term “Soul mate” can refer to both; a close friendship or a romantic relationship, not to mention, it has ambiguous meanings. I see it as a bond between two souls; something that goes beyond a physical or material connection. It’s like looking at somebody and then feeling that, “I know you.” Some people believe in re-incarnation and that their souls must’ve been intertwined since some past life.”

“So do you believe in the soul mate?”

Bodily his feet have been moving towards the footpath; mentally he was gone again to reside in his mind. It was not his first time recalling the discussion with Woo Bin a week back after the soul mate lesson, delivered by Professor and for the first time in the history of education discussed feverishly by students.

After class adjourned, all students started discussing the lecture among them.  Woo Bin was no different. Even though his mind was full of questions, he remained passive with Woo Bin who wanted him to join in the "lecture of life" topic.

‘To some extent, do you?”

“Nah…..It’s all a bullshit…who roams around the world to locate his missing part..I am quite happy living here with half of myself and if I happen to have another part of mine, then he finds me.”

Hearing his lack of concern, Seungha felt envious back then….envious that he could put it aside deciding like that but there were some like him who had to fret over it, spending their lives to find out the truth of their existence.

But strangely he was having less and less dreams these days. He doesn't know whether it is because of his acceptance to the dreams or the reasonable interpretation of.....

“Watch out”

Someone grabs his arm and forcefully drags him away from the road full of passing vehicles.

 'Where the hell have you been keeping your mind these days that you couldn't even grasp the place your feet have been taking you to, hah?” Someone shouts squarely on his face.

He sees hazily towards the road, then his savior.

“What’s wrong?' Chang insists, instantly turning his anger in concern 'Is there something troubling you…tell me?'

  _..Tell him_

_You want to tell…_

_You want to share…_

_You are tired of shouldering this burden…_

_You want to load off…_

His mind keeps screaming, urging him to confide in the person in front of him but he, closing in his shell again, jerks this thought away.

Seeing him unresponsive, Chang shakes him forcibly… to make him come to his senses which he compiles, putting a temporary stop on his incoherent thoughts...eventually.

“Sorry...I was not looking.....”, then asks him politely like a person who has lost all his ability to communicate or move at his will, “Mind letting my arms go?”

Chang unclasps his hands, letting his arms fall gracefully on his side.

Seungha, indifferent of the situation, remains passive, waits for the pedestrian signal to turn on then walks away without glancing behind.

When he approaches his class, he opens his book and starts reading, busying himself right away after seating, keeping everything around him at bay. Finally putting his mind at ease after reading some familiar passage he turns his attention to the professor.

“Class you might be well aware of your upcoming trip...so don’t make trouble like the last year and put your names in the slip whoever wants to go for hiking”

A combine shout of 'yahoo' and 'hurrey' booms around, shaking the very foundation of the class.

Teacher leaves the class, leaving the slip behind, to let student discuss the upcoming trip among themselves. Someone slightly taps at his table; even without looking up he knows who he is.

“We need to talk.” Chang starts decisively.

“I am busy.” With his book open in front of him, reading a passage over and over again, without grasping a single meaning. Woo Bin looks at him and Chang, back and forth, trying to decide the situation, finally speaks out.

“Am I missing something?”

“You stay out of this.”

“You stay out of this.”

Two set of scolding come at him simultaneously, making him to throw his hands up in surrender.

“I don’t think it is your place to be angry?” Chang reverts to Seungha.

“I don’t think it is your place to question me either.” Seungha fights back, matching his tone

And Woo Bin’s head ends up playing football, still in process of deciding whether to be a referee or just a bystander.

“So you are up for this hiking trip?” Chang changes his tone and a topic at the same time.

“Do you have some sort of personality disorder?” Seungha asks him, amazed on the swift function of the mind of the person in front of him.

“Better than someone who is having a troubled one. “He arches his brow in silent mocking, daring him to fight back.

“I will let you know of my decision” he replies, biting each word in process.

“Let’s go… I want to”

“Then go”

“With you” Chang presses on.

“Why?” curiosity perks up.

“Scared of leaving you behind” Chang smirks.

“I have enough in my plate without having to babysit someone like you.”

“Coming from someone who needs to put an end to his somnambulist.”  

“It was not sleepwalking” Seungha finally lashing out but in low voice.

“Was it dream-walking then? Thinking yourself walking in your drawing room.” He drawls

“You are way out of your line”

“You were literally out of your's”

“It is none of your business”

“Moving around like that you have already made it mine”

“I didn’t ask for your help”

“Because you know I will give you anyway’

 **“What can you do? What do you want me to do?”**  He bellows

 **“At least I won’t give up on you like you are giving up on yourself.”**  He yells back, disrupting the class from their chatting. And in the midst of all chaos, they stand, shooting daggers at each other.

“Oh hello...what is going on here?” Woo Bin makes another attempt, tentatively.

"Shikro"

"Shikro"

Two sets of direct scolding again hit him, making him deck behind another fellow.

All girls and boys stand dumbfounded, looking at Seungha in queer. After all, it is a rare sight, seeing polite and shy Seungha all agitated.

Seungha, finding himself in not to polite center of attention, gathers his things and leaves the class, Chang following him behind in tow.

* * *

“Stop” He yells but Seungha keeps on walking in long strides. He moves in gallop and catches up with him, stopping him by force at this time.

"What is your problem?" Seungha yells, bursting out. 'Not even in my whole life I could manage to create a scene that you have accomplished within a week of your stay''

“Month”

“What?”

“It has been month not a week” He points out, in his usual blasé manners.

And like always, Seungha's anger evaporates like a whoosh of air suddenly coming out of a balloon.

“You feeling better now” Chang asks seriously, getting a nonplussed look in return.

“You need to let it out what is boiling inside you.....and it is more crucial when you don’t want to tell anyone''

Seungha stares at him, astonished, feeling strangely all calm. Then hits him on the shoulder with his fist to break the spell taking over him, extracting a yelps from Chang in return.

“Serious talk doesn’t suit you.”

“Neither serious look on you.”

Seungha smiles slightly, and then moves to flight but Chang stops him by the back collar of his grey wool Jersey. “You dare to walk out on me again, and I swear I will...”

But what  _he will do_  is all forgotten in an unexpected sound coming out of an unreliable source.

“What” he asks in bewilderment, all pleased with himself at the same time.

He shrugs, 'I just feel like laughing'

Seeing him keeps on laughing even after the explaining, Chang ends up joining him and soon they find themselves rolling in an uncontrolled laughter, creating an hilarious sight for the people passing by.

 

* * *

“So guys, have you packed up your gear and everything you might need there?”

“Yes” a chorus reply comes.

A marker hits on Seungha's shoulder, to make him attentive. He looks up and finds Chang waving. He arches his brow in question.

“You going?” he mouthed

“Nope”

“Why?...Write down your name this instant” He makes a mute notion of killing him if he won’t.

Seungha shakes his head in denial.

“I will tell your mom” Seungha, looking ahead but smiles anyway on his childlike threat. He gets another marker on his cool attitude.

“What now?” he mouthed back, getting annoyed.

“Well it seems like Yoo Seung ho and Ji ChangWook has something to share with us” hearing their names, their head roll back to its original position, towards the Professor at the very least.

“Ma'm Seungha is forcing me to go for hiking” Chang whines.

“What?? I didn’t. I am not even going” Seungha deflects his straight faced lie.

“And may I ask why you are not going?” Professor, smiling slightly, asks him before Chang pips up and her class turns into a stadium. Within this short period with her new student, she has got that by now that in the verbal match there is no winning if Chang is involved.

''I am not in mood'' he replies but regrets instantly on his stupidity.

''And why you are not in a mood? You might be well aware that the solely purpose of this trip is not just outing.''

Seungha, unable to find any excuse, sits silently, thinking of something to escape and side by side relishing on the idea of killing Chang in different ways.

''Ahhh...Ma'm. He is in the midst of deciding'' Seungha shots daggers at him.

''I am dead'' Chang flinches.

 

* * *

“You.....”

Chang puts his arms upward, in cross posture, hiding his face behind it in defense from upcoming retribution but ends up putting water on the burning fire through his juvenile action.

Seungha let out a deep breath in resignation. There is something in Chang that makes him mad at one moment, and all calm at the next.

'You can let down your  _Great-China-Wall_ '' Seungha remarks in his usual sarcastic tone.

Chang in lieu of putting down his arms, peeks at him, smiling bashfully. 'Match draw?'

“Yes other party is too weak, not worth fighting.”

“You brat” he let down his guard and receive first hand blow in  _homecoming_.


	9. déjà entendu

''Students! As you are well aware that our programs consist of the visit of  _Changgyeong Palace,_  which some of you might have already visited, as well as hiking. So after our first stop, we will spend two nights in the  _Namhansanseong Mountain_. It is 3 days and 2 night stay so you better get your equipment and gears in check.”

 

 _“The thing I need to keep in check is my dream….sorry.. no control over it.”_ Seungha thinks nonchalantly, without any hilarity or sullenness on his part.

 

“….It is a systematic breather and relief before your upcoming assignment, a way to give your mind a wake-up call.”

 

 _More like a warning to me._ His mind keeps on rambling

 

‘Choose any topic for your research and hand me a profound thesis on it. You will get annual marking based on this thesis percentage.''

 

_“Dream”_

_“Dream”_

 

Sitting on different row but the very same topic crossed in the mind of two men at the same time.

 

“Ji ChangWook! You up for it?” Professor Moon inquires her provisional student.

“Anytime....Always.” cheeky reply comes.

 

“Show off” Seungha opines with a detached fondness.

 

* * *

 

'Boys and girls!!!!!!!!!  pray control your grown-up instincts in my presence” professor Moon Si-yon attempts to do something unavoidable ''and much better if you uphold it in my absence too.''

Students start laughing.

Another Professor, who has joined Professor Moon Si-yon in the trip, takes his turn to deliver instructions.

''You have been given the map of the area in precaution so you won’t get lost and brings a baggage in result" students first reaction was shock on the crude or perhaps accurate deliverance of instruction and the next....did not come as Professor Moon jumps in and kicks, literally, her bespectacled partner aside and stops the one or two snickering with her one furious glance.

Seungha, all bored, engrosses himself in his map. Woo Bin seeing his 'Don’t disturb me' sign up, tries to start conversation with Chang

“Hi… I am Woo bin” Speaking English

“Hello….Ji Chang Wook here.” replying in Korean

Woo Bin smiles bashfully, “So you enjoying your time here?” not repeating the same mistake, he asks him in Korean this time.

“Hmmm.. trying to.”

Seungha snorts at his formal reply.

**_“What is wrong with him?”_ **

**_“Don’t mind him_** **.”**  He causally waves his hand but finds himself unable to push aside the sudden wave of déjà entendu.

* * *

 

 

Way to  _Changgyeong Palace_  was quite an eventful. It was just a short distance away from Seoul but Chang's excitement was quite palpable and contagious; chatting with everyone, telling stories of New York, teasing even Professor Moon and making girls colored at the same.

 

“No one can resist him.” Seungha, keeping a safe distant from his fan club, smiles behind his hand looking outside of the window. It goes unnoticed by him that he is the center of a scrutinizing glance as well.

* * *

  

Chang watches every little and blithe movement that passes through Seungha’s visage. He was unable to summarize his infatuation with other guy but letting it slide, he puts more effort in making the complicated soul at ease,…. to make him laugh than reasoning the situation. By now he even feels proud in reading every twitch or flinch accurately, should he mention his accomplishments so far he can even guess the reaction of the other party. Aloof....see I can even tell in a word. He congratulates himself on his cloak-and-dagger activities, not knowing, someone is studying him as well.

 

What happened back in the ground, listening the advice-cum-threats of teachers, was not forgotten. Chang was accustomed to this level of weirdness. No doubt, it was a shock in the beginning but as time moved on, dream and voices became more and more salient. He can still recall the fear, that unexpected jolt he felt at that time but now it was just a distant memory. The fear he felt back then was from a 'bygone era' now. Every now and then, when he receives a blow like that he just pushes it back in a dark corner of his mind to go along with his normal life, extracting it later to ponder over. These things are a huge part of his life now but what he could not foreshadow was this....

 

* * *

 

Chang steps down from the bus, laughing on Woo Bin’s antics, but first glance at the sight in view makes him close his mouth in astonishment. A grim line appears on his forehead, breaching a bridge of link between him and his companions.

 

_This place_

_I have seen this place before_

_Hell…I have been here before…._

_But how can is this possible…?_

He looks around more carefully. He knows that architected structure in royal historical buildings was almost the same, so it can be just a fluke...a false alarm…but even after giving his self various unspecified excuses to calm his interior monologue, he is unable to shrug off the feeling altogether.

 

Throughout the sighting, he remained stuck between this feeling of déjà vu and jamais vu. It was the first time he ever visited Korea but the more he looks around the Palace the more he couldn't elude the distinct feelings that he had been here before, that in these pastures he has moved before, that the atmosphere, trees, stones, cliff, even the air knew him. These feelings were totally overwhelming and making everything around him more pungent with every step he took.

 

Walking along, every time Seungha looks at Chang he finds him in his own deep thought with a serene aura enveloping his whole profile.

 

“What an occasion?”

 

Chang startled awake from his visions and looks at the person who disturbed him out of his reverie.

 

“You have actually managed to keep your mouth shut for whole five minute?'' Seungha asks, airing unconcerned.

 

''Don't I look cool in this posture?'' Chang asks him playfully, putting his thoughts on hold.

 

After a little coiling and rolling around the place, they finally reach the Changgyeong Palace, one of the Five Grand Palaces of the Joseon Dynasty, a treasure heritage and proud of south Korea.

 

Up on the way to Palace, one thing Chang is unable to straighten out: whether he is dreaming, sleepwalking or simply imagining things that were not there. Wherever he sees, he finds voices, visions swamping over him in a rush, jolting his inside out. He can visualize warriors practicing martial arts in the ground in front of Sungmundang corridor, using their abilities at its best.

 

Then all of a sudden, without any forewarning, he finds everything around him void of any sign or sound. It was like fresh out of a painting...perhaps going back to the time of its origin.

 

He stands there, bemused, looking at the Palace in front of him in all its manufacture glory. Then he stumbles across three guys walking in front of him, draped in royal blue attire. They were walking with poise but through their gait it was apparent that it was their first time wearing this uniform. He follows them, unintentionally, eavesdropping.

 

**These clothes are still a little uncomfortable.**

**…Mine too.**

**Un, it really suits you.**

**…What about me?**

**Not you.**

 

He almost smiled on the middle one’s manners, mischievous one no doubt; a masculine figure, with long shaggy mane of tangles hair restrained on forehead with royal blue ribbon. Already forming a little intimacy with him….like he has known him for centuries even without seeing his face. Then he notices him moving, towards a brick wall, picking up the sound himself, he follows him.

****

**What's that noise?**

**What are they doing?**

**..Things that we've learned since we were little,**

**..are they learning only them now?**

 

**......But it doesn't look too bad.**

His head turn swiftly, craning his neck, in the direction of this new voice. He tries to look at his face but finds it averted. Long straight, moonless night hair with a slim graceful body, voice hoarse, like not used to of much talking and uttering each syllable after a lot of weighting and measuring….but  _most of all, beyond his contact…out of his reach._

****

**_….I was pretty excited when_  ** **_I found out I could enter the palace._ **

**_But do we really have to train_  ** **_with this group of trashy amateurs?_ **

****

**_Hey, you!_ **

**_Say that again._ **

 

He turns his head back, after his futile attempt for looking that guard face, toward this another new voice, coming from the other side of wall. A voice full of novice authority.

 

**_What did you just say?_ **

**_What nonsense did you just say?_ **

_He must have a powerful person in this place to sound like that._ Chang contemplates.

**_…Trash!_ **

Chang almost chokes on his spit, looking at his  _bond_  man in amazed. Too shocked to smile, he just stands there and sees him to lead his group…..no doubt, into another fight. Even his comrade, a guy with glasses prophecies;

****

**_From what I see,_ **

**_You will cause trouble today._ **

****

**_…You will, too._ **

This time, he finds himself laughing too, on his confidence, cheekiness…. _looking a lot like me_. But the other party has taken the offense seriously…. _like they won’t_.

 

**_All of you are dead meat today._ **

**_Close the doors!_ **

**_…Do you really want to battle it out with me?_ **

**_Wait..._ **

****

His heart leaps in his body when his bond man cockily moves towards that slim figured guard, asking his opinion, giving a suggestion all the same.

****

**_…Yeo Un,_ **

**_dealing with them one-by-one is too troublesome._ **

**_Let's do it together!_ **

****

A thing moves into his body,  _is it_   _my heart again?_ …beating against his ribs after just looking the silence communication between two comrades, friends, warriors or simply partners in crime. He has no idea. 

 

After a nod in affirmation from that concealed guard, a fight starts right there in front of him. He looks at them combating in awe, a sight too brilliant to miss it over a blink or breathe, and he just stands there, savoring each movement, each blow, each jump or spin…. The main focus of his attention was two guys, bespectacled man out of the picture, one with a masculine body and rash antics, other with lean body but a mystique aura.

 

He moves forward to get a better view but collides in someone, he nearly jumped out of his body that someone has found out him …  _Oh no….what to do?… what to do?... they have discovered me … I am dead….._  He looks at the person frantically but he has already moved on saying sorry, a guy in shirt and jeans …. jeans???

 

He looks back but finds no royal blue color in sight. Where just a while ago, a trifling war was on its peak but now…nothing…vacant… just some visitors prancing around. He was so engrossed in the beholding sight, ditching the real world behind that a simple clash with reality was all it took to turn the grand scenario into evaporation. Everything has disappeared in the blink of eye. He was back to his world…. Back to reality but desperately missing something… _what?_

 

“You gonna stand here whole day?” Seungha asks him in passing, making him realize that from the eye of the present world he was immobile at one place for too long to be considered as casual. 

 

He passes through the Honghwamun, main gate in daze. The palace's main gate faces eastward like the central part of the palace. He reads down every scribed caption in awe.

 

_First built in 1484, it burned down during the Japanese invasion of 1592 and was rebuilt in 1616._

 

He calculate in his mind the year of  _Baek Dong soo_ , that ajhussi ‘s birth time that he envisioned back in New York.

_The most likely can be that he went through this place.._

_It might be even possible that he was one of the guys among the three._

_But what is the connection between us?_

_And who was that other guy?_

_Was it him?_

 

He stays, stuck on his place again until Woo Bin pats his shoulder and gestures him to come along. He is unable to shun the tingling sensation spreading all over his body but moves on anyway, putting it on hold for the time being to fret over it later, in seclusion.

 

A ball pavilion is built on either side of this two-tiered wooden gate. As he with other students passes through the gate,  _Okcheongjo_  Bridge comes into his view. He looks in bland amusement at carved goblins, between the arches under the bridge's parapet that were intended to ward off evil spirits.

 

From the corner of his eye, he distantly watches some of his fellow student binding Woo Bin to it…more likely to test the theory.

 

Taking his sweet time, he enters into  _Myeongjeongjeon_ , main hall of the palace, where state affairs more likely meetings with officials and royal banquets were once held. Running through the courtyard in front is a three-level walkway whose center path was for the king's use only but now overflowing with tourists. Surrounding the entire area is a wall-like structure of single-room units which were used by the royal guards….He looks at the stature of a person draped in blue royal attire....and

_bingo_

Another flashback forces upon him, turning everything around him into haze. He, out of the blue, finds himself witnessing three guys around a huge table planning something, bending on two parchment of map, discerningly pondering over a way out.

 

**…If we go here on the river, the water is really shallow.**

**But look, there are soldiers everywhere.**

**How can we leave the palace?**

**…There is a way.**

**Regardless of your social status,**

**There is one way to leave the palace.**

 

He jerks himself out of his vision forcibly, clutching the shreds of reality, leastwise his sanity…

 

“What’s wrong?” Woo Bin asks him,  _when did he come to stand beside me?_  even Seungha looks at him strangely. He composes himself, gaining control of his mind, fighting off the invaders with all his might, and smiles…tentatively.

 

“Honey bee”

 

Woo Bin looks around him for that none-existed honey bee then moves on, shrugging, leaving him behind with Seungha.

 

“You look flustered?”

 

“Hm…huh?....It is awesome, isn’t?” He focuses his lukewarm attention back to Palace, building a solid wall to camouflage prickling feelings behind.

 

Seungha looks at him silently, making him moves awkwardly under his gaze. Chang uses his leftover exertion to escape from his penetrating eyes.

 

“Wah…look at this council Hall?” He spins around to show his interest, a little going overboard. Seungha looks at him amusingly, then taking pity on him looks around to the council hall where once the king dealt with routine state affairs. Unlike the throne hall, which faces east, this building faces south. He moves to read a caption, hiding his smile,  _It was once used to enshrine royal tablets after funerals._

 

“So boys, who will make some effort to tell me the significance of this place.” Chang feels grateful on this diversion. It was a surprise for no one when  _walking-history-records_  aka Woo Bin moved forward to explain in his most professors like tone, gesturing towards the caption underneath a sculpture.

 

_On May 13, 1762, that courtyard in front of Munjeongjeon witnessed the most tragic incident of the century. It had been reported to King Yeongjo that Crown Prince Sado was mentally ill and behaving erratically. Furious with the Crown Prince, his father ordered him to be sealed alive in a large rice chest, where he died eight days later at the age of 28. King Yeongjo later became remorseful and gave his son the posthumous title 'Sado' . It is believed that Crown Prince Sado was a victim of a conspiracy by his political adversaries._

 

_Crown Prince Sado was buried on Mr Baebongsan in Yangju. In 1789, his body was moved by his son King Jeongjo to its current location, then called Hyeollyungwon near Suwon. During his reign, Hwaseong Fortress was built and dedicated to honor this tomb._

 

Chang whose ears perked up on the name of  _King Jeongjo_  moves forward to look at the tomb. The name that he heard back in New York was still glued to his mind.

_So Baek Dong-so was guarding this King??_

 

He was conversing with his mind when he felt multiple eyes boring through his body, making his back hair stand. Then he realized his blunder… that he had voiced his opinion loudly.

 

“Yes.. So you know a little about history too.”

 

“ _History is the reason i am in front of you, you brat!_ ” he thought.

 

“Baek Dong-so was the national hero who defended King Jeongjo singlehandedly from a group of assassination ....”

 

“Do you have any portrayed of him?”

 

When he saw weird expression on every one's face he hurriedly explains,  _“He strikes me as a valiant warrior''_  other accepted his explanation and went to different directions but Seungha...

 

 “Quite sad this is….” Chang laments loudly, not knowing someone is stuck behind him, hanging between dreams and reality as well.

 

* * *

 

 _Baek dong so_.. Seungha pronounce the name, emphasizing on each word.

 

Seungha does not move from his place, hearing Baek Dong-so...he can't explains, not even to himself, what he is feeling...a nameless, listless void over the roaring of every vein in his body.

 

Something is not right, he thought, hearing and now saying this name aloud, he can’t even understand the feeling this place was forcing on him.  _It is not the first i am here, I have been here before when I thought I could find any clue visiting historical places....what is different now?_...he ponders endlessly.

 

“Don’t you find something strange?” His whole body puckered inside, listening the accurate description of his feeling. He looked at Chang, who has that thoughtful expression back on his face.

 

“What do you mean?” He asks sharply

 

Chang shrugged then after a while mumbles like talking to himself, very softly.

 

“Have you ever experienced these feelings that you have been in a place before, even after knowing that it’s a first time you have been visiting it actually?'

 

_Yes!_

_Yes!!_

_Yes!!!_

 

Every bone, every organ, every pumping process stops in his body, like receiving a bolt from a blue. His mind was in a wave of turbulent. He wanted to say  _“Yes many time…”_  but what he said was “nope…Have you?”

 

His mind was shouting at his plain lie but he shut it off with a thud.

 

“Hm...” Chang sighs, looking up ahead.

 

“Hey guys, don’t you want to eat?

 

They both turn scornfully towards the intruder interrupting their invaluable silence. So involve in their thought, they could not even fathom the change that had taken place, turning morning into noon. Woo bin was there, carrying their savor-box, opening the door of reality wide open for them.

 

They both sigh in defeat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sado: means "thinking in sorrow"  
> Crown Prince Sado (1735-1762), having been killed by his father King Yeongjo, was buried on Mr Baebongsan in Yangju, though his body was moved to its current location, then called Hyeollyungwon, in 1789 by his son King Jeongjo (1752–1800). In 1899, when Prince Sado and Princess Hyegyeong were posthumously elevated in status and given the titles Emperor Yangjo and Empress Heonyeong, the tomb was also upgraded and renamed Yungneung.
> 
> Baek Dong Soo (백동수) (1743–1816)  
> watch http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fatal_Encounter


	10. ...dither and haggle

 

On their way back, silence became their companion and whispering their antagonist. Fewer students were chatting among themselves, but most preferred silence over discussion, meditating. In the evening glow, air was intoxicating, hills rebelling and tourist were everywhere to witness the yin and yang contrasted side of the nature. Atmosphere was totally serene, demanding the reverence from its lookers… at least that is what Chang and Seungha felt as they bid their farewell to the palace.

* * *

Everyone was getting ready to sleep but Seungha sat there on a rock, broodingly, scared of getting any sleep, as in having his dreams in consequence.

 

“Are not you going to sleep?” Chang sits beside him poking the dying fire, extracting one or two sparkling in this process.

 

“No”

“Why? Night vigil?”

 

He shrugged, looking ahead of him.

 

“It is already past midnight.”

 

“You go sleep.”

 

Chang looks at him for a while then finally blurts out “Do you have some kind of phobia?” Seungha's looks at him inquiringly “like sleeping encloses or something like that?' 

 

“Give your mind some rest” Seungha replies tersely.

 

“That’s what I am asking of you too'

 

Seungha looks at him silently for a second then back to the fading fire “It is almost like you know what my answer would be in anticipation, manipulating me with your words.”

 

“You are easy to read.''

 

''Me?'' even Seungha knows how easy he is to read “…You must be good in it then.”

 

''Not like I am not in other'' Chang puffs up his chest. Seungha snorts

 

''Get up... I will tuck you in'

 

Seungha doesn't bother to glance back, until.,.

 

“I will guard you, ward off all evils for you.'' he swiftly looks up in his direction, searchingly whether it was just a dialogue or he knows something but finds nothing but a cocky, childlike grin. In the full moon night, Chang did look like a knight....a smiling, innocent not to mention chatty Knight. Seungha almost smiles on his own theory. He was bossy, being his usual self, but to Seungha....

 

_I know you will_

 

He gets up, following him behind.

* * *

There were two camps assigned to them, boy and girls separately on designated areas. On reaching Namhansanseong, everyone got tired after a long hiking up to mountain. Mood changed with the weather, and most students resigned to their camp bed early. Even Seungha was tired enough to sleep on the crucifix but keeping himself awake in fear of exposing his treasured secret.

 

What Seungha afraid of not enclosing or the sleeping on mountain, as was described by Saint Chang himself rather the recurrence of his dreams in front of everyone. He was sure he would have a dream that night on the account of the events that happened in the palace. He was able to shake it off at that time but dreams....even after having the gigantic control, checking on himself time to time, he still has no power over his dreams. Like any other human being he has his limitations too.

 

So close to shatter, even sleep has refused to approach his eyes and that’s all because of this fella. He looks angrily toward Chang, sleeping next to him. But one glance at him and all anger fade away.

 

Chang’s style of sleeping is enough to put smile on the gloomier to gloomiest person on earth. Half blanket draped over his body and the other half under him, wearing a sleeveless shirt even in the bitter cold of Seoul.

 

 _This person is really out of his mind._  He moves over and slowly, very slowly without disturbing his sleep, drags blanket from under his body and cover him back with it.

 

Chang did not even stir during all the fuss, and keeps on sleeping with a knowing smile in the corner of his lips. Seungha's lips start twitching automatically. And then he feels something stirring inside him that he thought he wouldn't ever feel. His hand moves on his own accord towards Chang’s face and starts tracing his facial’s feature through his finger’s tips in wonder.

 

_Why does it feel like…_

_That…_

_…I have known you for centuries?_

He looks at him in perturb, mind reeling behind devotedly. Then regaining his senses, he snatches his hand back just realizing, that he has done something unaccounted for.

He stayed up as far as he could coax and dodge Hypnos, god of sleep then finally fall into the pit of darkness, bowing to him in gratitude, hand forgotten on the arm of his knight.

* * *

Chang woke up with a sudden jerk. For a moment he just lays there, gathering his wits, blaming his dreams for not giving him a night off, swamping over him the moment he laid his guard down.

_No way can I write diary here._

He turns to his left side to go back to sleep.Then he noticed the dull pain in his arm. He looks down and finds out the reason to his astonishment that it was not his dream that woke him up rather Seungha’s hand, crushing his arm, jolting him out of his sleep. He makes a mental note to pull his leg in the morning but then… notice something else.

Seungha’s body was all taut, full of sweat; face puckered, forehead creased, one hand in fist and other crushing his arm with all his might like he is in anguish. All wide awake, he swiftly turns to his side, patting him, trying to wake him up.

* * *

**Your Royal Highness...**

**Please forgive me.**

**I had no other way.**

**I am unable to overcome him.**

**I pray... I pray you to forgive me.**

 

Wrenching all the anguish on his part, he thrashes around, controlling his desire to shout at the top of his lungs. But he can't until  _he_  comes.... he has to wait for him.

 

**Did you kill His Highness and the Commander?**

**Why? Why? For God's sake, why?**

**What will you do now?**

**I know the truth. Are you going to kill me too?**

**....Have you gone insane?!**

**Are you still the Un that I know?**

**who was with me through good and bad.**

**This is fate.  Nothing can be done.**

**If try to escape, there is no way out.**

**Isn't this fate?**

**…Don't speak nonsense!**

 

Even he knew what he was saying was not making any sense in the least. But how can he make someone who lived his whole life carefree to understand the reason behind his action. How can he make him see the past he spent in fear, the present he spent in spying and future…no doubt a burning in the pit of hell.

****

**_…Get up._ **

**_Un, you..._ **

**_I am killing you._ **

 

Each word that he uttered lashed out him like a whip but even that couldn't remove the sin that he has committed.

 

**_Don't.  If you are doing this,_ **

**_I will have to draw my sword._ **

****

**_…Draw it then._ **

**_Draw your sword!_ **

****

**_I beg you Baek Dong Su.  Stop it!_ **

**_…Don't talk.   I will surely kill you!_ **

He knows how much the other man hurting but nothing can be done now.  _I wish i had not been born to cause you pain Dong so_ya._  He mumbles inaudibly.

Chang moves closer to hear what he was saying but something else catches his attention. Seungha was putting a hand on his left part bellow the abdomen, like he was in immense pain. Without thinking, he puts his own hand on the hand which was turning white from clutching flesh tightly, smothering it. He grips his hand firmly, removing it slowly, unclenching it, and helping him out of something unknown burden, to bear with him what he was experiencing in the sleep.

 

* * *

 

But the pain he embraced in retribution suddenly disappeared, like someone putting balm on it. And he went back in the valley of darkness, dreamless sleep, tired but calm….  **_a consolation that he is here with him…_ **

* * *

 

 

He was avoiding him, it was apparent to Chang by now.

 

When he woke up in the morning, his distorted mind shouted a warning…an instinctive alarm shrieked on his head, banging his head. The impact was drastic enough to make him jump, bolt up straight, into a sitting position.

 

Since his childhood, he was quite habitual of sleeping on bed and waking up on floor, but sleeping in your bed and waking up from your friend’s is no doubt a creepy, scary and greasy thing a person could ever dare to dream of, or did and if that friend is Seungha then.....there is no then…there is not even a way out, a death penalty for sure.

_How the heck I managed to crawl over Seungha, of all people, in my sleep_?

 

He looks around his surrounding, imagining a fuming Seungha coming out of a corner at any moment but finds no one in sight. A sudden relief washes over him, not even realizing that he was holding his breath, saving it for the dire circumstances, maybe like a bash on his head, wringing of his neck, spanking all our his body or worst of all, an aloof treatment again for the whole time on their stay.

_Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Just last night I managed to build a bond and now…._

_Nooooooo_

 

He paces into the small tent in panic, moving in circle, mumbling…. _what to do? What to do? What to do?_

_ENOUGH!!!_

 

Unable to bar his anxiety, he muster up his dying courage, silence his rambling and goes outside, chanting along … _hiding is no good, he won’t kill me, hiding is no good, he won’t kill me, hiding is_ …….Not even finding him outside, he putting a cap on his bottle up dread and goes to fresh up to meet his fatal destiny headlong.

 

 _Maybe destiny has calmed down and changed its decision of killing me after seeing my handsome, shining face_. In his anxiety, his mind, hand in hand with his heart, makes up random things, making him more scared with each passing minute. 

 

On his way back to tent, after removing all the signs of trauma, he sees him with Woo Bin. Summoning up his courage he decides to dive in than to wait up and die. But what he thought did not come in the form he expected. He had anticipated this punishment but materialization of it was still far too scary than his own version.... a _no answer board,_ a silent treatment…. even though he waved his hand then greeted him squarely on his face, tentatively, smiling bashfully, did not get him any favouring point or likewise greeting rather what he got was a sudden **e _xodus_**. Seungha left without excusing to anyone, leaving Woo bin behind with him who has already been swimming deep into bermuda triangle since Chang’s arrival.

 

_Ay??? Why is he avoiding me?_

He thinks about last night momentarily and all comes upon him, more like crashed down… _Dream!!!_

But what is there to avoid, having nightmares is not any unusual or bolting up to a corner thing… _yes, no doubt, just like your dreams._ His mind mentally berates him. _But in no way Seungha could have worried over such petty matter._ He concludes and waits for him to come around.

 

But as day goes by and morning turns into noon, Seungha’s action proves him and his inane theories wrong. Throughout the time, he acts like Chang is not even there or at least wearing an invisible cloak, making him turning from a cornering lamb to into an enraged tiger.

_Fine… don’t bother with me, I am not even here._

 

He broods on the opposite side, dejected, and thinks all over again the crime that he happen to have committed last night in his oblivious or conscious state but seeing him standing alone, away from his fellows, without thinking or planning ahead, his feet took him towards him, to relieve himself out of his misery as well as curiosity, getting out of his concrete patience and excuses all together.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” he confronts him beside the lake, simmering with all the anguish he faced in the little span of time.

“Nothing” Averting his blazing gaze, hand stops for just a moment from throwing food and then continues on like all that matters is the food in his hand and the swans in front of him, nothing else.

“Do you call it nothing?...YOU have been avoiding me all this morning. YOU CALL IT NOTHING?” he yells.

“And why would I ignore you?” he looks at him pointedly, urging him, daring him to mention anything about last night.

 

Chang was not fool or as simple minded as he often made people think of him, he knew, he knew Seungha was hiding something. And this something was not just _something_ for him, looked like his only life was depend on it. From the beginning to this point, he saw the fragment of that _something_ through his actions, through his absentmindedness, through his moody antics, through his outbursts. He won’t lie, he wanted to know, he wanted to know that _something_ but he knew that as well that Seungha would never ever tell him or let him know. Maybe last night what he witness was that _something_ that he did not want him to see, and maybe in his eyes he has cheated him out of this _something_. Giving himself this and that excuses, he let him be alone as much as his patience could allowed him to but even rock-hard stone broke under constant pressure why could not he. Dreams…. What is the matter? It is not like he is having dreams like him and if he let the cat out of the bag he would like to see how far he would run away or how would he be able to talk about the weirdness of this matter. He scoffs off in silent for too long to tolerate it any longer. And now he has the guts to tell him _why would I ignore you?….hell…this man really want to die._

“Stop cursing and talk” Seungha turns his back to Chang.

“What….what did you just say?” jerking himself out of his thoughts.

“I said stop cursing at me.”

“So you know that you have done something to merit my cursing.” He plays his card right, using his verbal power.

“If you have just rubbish to talk about, then leave.”

“Okay rubbish aside, let’s have some serious talk….that’s what you want, right?” Chang dares him, seeing Seungha go all taut, he regrets a little on his matter-of-fact tone but then mentally shake himself. To have Seungha spills the beans, that much of denigration he will have to bear, mostly when other party does not co-operate at all.

 

He sighs in defeat. “Will you start or I will have this honour?”

 

Seungha lips turn into thin straight line, shoulder tense, and forehead creased. These body signs were enough for Chang to understand the vital importance of the topic he has just touched, at least imperative enough to let him see the rare slip of his dynamic mask for a moment.

 

“Are not you going to talk?” Chang asks tentatively. “At least tell me the reason behind your broodiness You brat!” He lost his temper again. It was all becoming strange, as Chang was not the one who let his mood control him but he does not know why his frustration was pilling up by each moment passing by in Seungha’s silence.... like he was being delayed from hearing something important… _very important._

 

“Are you just going to stand like a statue for whole day?”

“ ** _Then what do you want me to do_**?” Seungha finally bursts out.

“Is there something that I should know?” Chang throws the ball on his court.

“No..” Seungha replies tersely.

“Then why you are all tense up? Like any moment someone, me such as, going to attack on you. Care to explain this situation?” He was not going to let it slide that easily.

“Last night what……”

 

“If you guys are….” They both turn to intruder, Chang in annoyance, Seungha in relief, “….finish fighting or whatever you have been doing. Come back to earth, Ma’m is signaling us to depart.”

 

Woo Bin leaves swiftly after delivering the message, scared of getting any admonishment, _I told Ma’m I don’t want to do it, and what the HELL is wrong with the both of them anyway?_   He looks back and finds Seungha following him, happily and Chang following Seungha, with a lethal look… _wah!! What have they done behind me, reverse their character or possess each other’s bodies…. what?_

 

* * *

Seungha kept on dodging him, knowing well all the same that doing that was pointless now. Chang had witnessed a little that he could not tell anyone beside his mother, not to mention Woobin, his friend of ten years. Funnily, he does not even know what happened last night. He can't explain how shocked he was seeing Chang's hand grasping the flesh that in his very dream, someone, _He_ , was tearing apart. He does not know what to make out of it. Everything was going overboard. His dreams had always left him sweating or thrashing around, never once he slept quietly through the night if he happened to have his dreams but last night a miracle happened. To his amazement, not only he kept on sleeping but also went through his painful dream peacefully.

_Because Chang was here to ward off… that unknown man in his dream. His knight._

 

He contemplates, even he knew how ridiculous did it sound but....avoiding was the best way. By crook or hook, he was going to take it to the end. Even though he was dying of curiosity, he can't barter his lifelong secret with it. A fabric flared on his right side and his ear perked up. He was so engrossed in his thoughts, standing on the top of a cliff, that his instincts could not alert him of someone else’s presence. _How long he has been watching me_? He did not turn, he knew who he was.

_Looks like he has even bribed my guardian-angel._

 

He mulls over it ruefully but remains silent, letting other guy to initiate.

 

* * *

“You know what you have been doing all day is simply confirming my suspicions.”

“Suspicions?”

“I can’t help thinking that you are hiding something all along.” He does not even blink in the meanwhile; in fear of missing any flicker of emotion on his face….but Seungha, with the entire life training and whole day composing, never betrayed any emotion.

Chang all furious on his unruffled feature, starts taunting him, “I am amazed that you are not running away… standing here in my presence. No jumping off the cliff to circumvent me?”

“I am perfectly fine where I am…but why don’t you try it?” faking to measure its lengths just to goad him “and **_I bet it will be much easier doing it second time._** ”

“What are you talking about?” Chang asks in bewilderment.

_Now where on earth has that come from?_

Outwardly he just shrugs and moves away from the cliff to join his fellow student who were motioning him to join them, leaving behind a baffled Chang.

 

* * *

“Students!!!” Professor Moon waves her hand like she has some magical wand to summon her student from every corner of the hill in a heartbeat. But with her power, a wand was way to needless. A little pounding from her side and her students start dancing on her beat. At least that’s what the general plus mutual assumption of all students. “Woo bin has come up with an idea to make this trip a little memorable. Who wants to join in?” she continues on, indifferent to students groaning, giving them a chance to opt but student knew….when they were on the _follow the command_ end.

 

Akiko, Japanese’s tourist-cum-fellow ends up mumbling in his broken Korean, _“That’s why teacher and student consummation is prohibited_.”

“It’s collaboration dumbass.” Someone slap him on the back of his head, to make his Japanese skull working better in Korea, no doubt.

 

“You all have your printed copy of map, so why not play a little with it?”

“Ay???” students look at her in dumbness, bringing out their original faces into light.

 

''We have maps, and the places highlighted here. I have set up everything with the help of Woo Bin,'' Professor Moon nods him in appreciation, and all the students shot daggers, a promise to have a banquet over his dead body later, ''so now it’s up to your vigilance to look and find it''

 

This time students forgot to contain it and groaned loudly, “Ma’m we are not kids.”

“Oh!!! I have men here…so act like a man, stop whining……” she beams at them brightly..''Come on! It will be fun....now select your partner, make team of two and start moving.''

She gives them signal, and student _do or die_ start moving as they were being asked.

 

Seungha attempts to move towards Woo Bin but Chang grabs his arm and pushes him backward to his vacant position....a silent command to be his partner or.....

Woo Bin looks at Seungha in question. Chang too, daring him, lifting one eyebrow, to make a move against his decision. Even few students look towards them, amusingly. Seungha ends up going along with Chang, throwing a murderous look all the same and that’s how they turned up on the trail to find the hidden treasure.

 

* * *

 

There was a lot for American birth Chang to look around; nice hiking trails, a historic fortress, massive gates, several Buddhist temples, a nice village, and some spectacular views of Seoul in the distance and an advantage of a clear day.

 

Namhansanseong was an old fortress wall, completed in 1626 and designed to guard Seoul from invaders. Interestingly enough, it was guarded by Buddhist Monks, who were more soldier then pacifist in those days. Chang recalls the information that Woo Bin, unlike his _you will be beaten if ask_ companion, gave him. 

 

He looks at his map, checking and confirming the path ahead of them. The hike up to the south gate was a little tough however the walk along the ridge was very easy and since the weather was very warm and sunny unlike the evenings, the pathway was full of Korean families out enjoying the Spring air, dawning the latest fashions, bringing it along. Chang smiles seeing two young girls hiking in heels instead of using normal hiking boots and blasting their little radios, drowning out all sounds of nature. But even with the crowds, it was a perfect way to spend Saturday afternoon.

 

 _But what if we have a moody companion?_ Chang looks at his partner, who was busy in throwing a silent tantrum.

According to the precise little information that was very kindly given to them, they have to find ugly turtles. _Now where he will find it was not a problem, rather how he will manage to catch it and put in what was a hard unsolved puzzle here._

 

“We did not bring any jar along?’

“For what?”

“How are we going to catch them then?”

“Catch what?”

“Ugly turtle!!!!!!!!! Were you sleeping back when Ma’m was giving instruction.”

Seungha swears under his breath.

“Now what? Are you going to ditch m…..” but stops in mid sentence. Seungha was actually controlling unsuccessfully his grin….the corner of his lips were lift up. Alright! So what?......what???....HE WAS SMILING.

“What??” he asks him very politely, afraid of losing that one in a million sight.

“Ugly turtles are three pillars, not any living or animated object.”

“Ay?” Chang looks at his map again, dumbfounded, deriving chuckle from Seungha, making him abandoning the map again in favour of beholding the unbelievable vision.

“It is located near the Buddhist Temple.”

“Alright, lead the way.” Chang folds back the map in the high spirit, moving.

“But I don’t know the way.”

“Then how come you know about its exact location?”

“After spending years with Woo Bin this much is nothing.” mourning over his sense of question, he tells him nonchalantly, extending his hand to take the map from his hand.

But Chang shifts it out of his reach, “I will find it then. You solved one clue, finding it is my turn now.” He announces arrogantly.

Seungha shrugs.

 

But after coiling and rolling around the mountain, they again turned up on the starting point, much to Seungha’s annoyance. Chang smiles sheepishly and looks at the map, thousands time in last hour. Map in one hand, a bush that he plucked up passing by in other hand, one moment grabbing it like a pen and another waving it like a prize or a wand, Chang looks like a mathematician, sorting out an unsolved mystery, extracting a complicated thing out of a simple one, _more like killing a butterfly with a bulldozer_. Seungha snorts.

 

“Hand over the map.” Seungha commands in gruff voice, losing his patience.

“Stay put, I can do it.” Chang deflect him, flicking his brush.

 

Ignoring his over enthusiastic futile efforts, he tries to snatch the map away from his hand. But in the course of action, the bush that Chang was using as a pen, bent with map and then hopped back towards Seungha. Sharp edge pierced through his right cheek, just below his eye, a little corner of his pointed cheek.

 

It was like Hell broke open, making them halt, ears start buzzing and mind ringing from thousands voices.  but what make it to?

Chang looks at Seungha's face in shock.

_What have I done?_

_What have I done?_

_What have I done?_

 

Thick gray fog clouds his mind, pushing out all rational thought, making way for another voice … a murderous but controlled voice.

****

**You think I won't dare to kill you?**

**I am an assassin.**

**Like His Highness the Crown Prince,**

**I can kill you too.**

****

_Another voice joins it, a voice challenging someone …his own voice._

**Try doing it.**

**If you can, try doing it.**

 

Mind hazy, thoughts in jumble, eyes shadowed, he moves blindly over that invisible line, words ringing in his ears and the person, source or owner of this voice remains beyond his reach.

 

_If I forward my hand maybe I could touch him._

 

He forwards his hand.

 

**……………………………**

 

A Sudden flip of hand, a simple stroke, an uncontrolled motion was all that have taken but it left a slicing, searing mark on his cheek.

 

_Why it is paining like hell?_

 

He touches his face in trance… and feels a little wetness around the pricked area. He looks at his finger tips but finds no blood, he touches his cheek again and finds it wet, burning nevertheless.

 

_Why it is burning like hell? It can't be serious scar. How come a regular bush can leave a mark?_

He looks at the bush and then…. Chang….rooted on his spot, paralyzed, staring at the weapon in question too, but the fleeting look Seungha threw at him was strangely a little aggressive. A scene making no sense, emotion souring to its peak, several voices battling, clashing, advancing towards his mind…mingling….clearing….and then suddenly a voice succeeds in reaching through his brain… a voice daring him, shearing his posture. 

****

**What?**

**Kill me.  Try and kill me!**

**It is not that you don't dare,**

**but you cannot, right?**

**Because you can't become an assassin.**

**Yes, I know.**

**I am weaker than you.**

**But unlike you, I don't kneel to some rotten destiny.**

 

_Of course I can't kill you_

_How can I hurt you?_

 

He tries to speak, to convey his inaudible feelings but finds his tongue glued to its roof. He moves his right hand in desperation, to convey his feelings by any means but realizes blatantly the condition his limbs were in. His mind was active, looking in and out of his body but everything around him has slept like his body.

_What the hell have I been waiting for ???.....a prince ??? to wake me up from this paralyzed slumber? he taunts himself  to act._

 

**_Stop it!_ **

Another voice jumps in, dissolving the after effects of the previous one, drowning the clandestine communication he was having with him through his hoarse yet commanding voice, making his inside turn into jelly, shivering, breaking the spell.

 

_I need to get out of here._

 

Seungha abandons any other notion and turns on his feet to leave the place… haunting his mind, forcing him to see something that he did not want to see one way or another any way. All the helpless yearning, penetrating fear, pungent remorse and regret he felt in the last second, he tossed behind him, casting it aside to never look into it again. And fled.

 


	11. Unbreakable Bond

_He left._

_He has gone._

_Seungha has gone._

Even before leaving the scene of revelation, even before reaching to their designated place, even before Woo Bin’s loud transmit, he knew…his heart knew that he had fled again, his only specialty that **_come with his character whether it is this life or their previous one._**

 

He signs loudly. His mind kept shouting to go after him, to find him, shake him, make him see the reality, refrain him from running all the time, force him to accept it….whack him to realize the bond they have been sharing.

 

_The bond that has transcended the time._

He has finally found out the key of that invisible door, dazed, to makes sure whether it is real or surreal as waking up right now will surely kill him, he opens it, letting all memories, prisoners of his subconscious, to fly, faceless grey figures run for their lives, to take off after year of submission. One of them comes to him, extending his hand, and without any second thought, without further ado, he grasps it, hold it tightly and let him lead the way toward the place to which he was once a part of…..a huge part.

****

**_Who he is?_ **

**_He is your comrade_ **

**_What Comrade shit? Looks just like a male prostitute._ **

****

**_Hello!!!_ **

****

**_Tck…_ ** After leaving his hand, he has joined his uncle who has just welcomed another kid to their home. **_He_** smiles on his apparent way of showing attitude but looking at the other person his relax muscles tense up. The kid that has materialized from his vision to reality, a boy in his early second decade, sharpening his wooden sword, sitting like he own the place, confident, eyes challenging but at the same time simmering with suppressed emotion, hiding some secrets in his black pools, greeting him like unburdening himself of such formality, smiling like nothing in this world matter to him… _that boy???he looks up to his guide to help him understand it but he was busy in beating and bickering with his uncle._ **_He_** feels a sudden strong desire to protect this new lad… to take him under his wing and remove the dark edge from his eyes but Scene changes like someone is guiding him, turning the pages of his past for him.

 

**_Both our fathers appear to be friends._ **

**_How about we become friends also?_ **

****

**_What?_ **

**_With you?_ **

****

And he finds himself between some godforsaken huts with the same kid, but with a slight difference, acting on his age, a human emotion flickers, _is it hope I see_ , trying unsuccessfully to hide his desperation, unconcealed expectation. He finds himself in turbulent state of mind, he wanted to say “yes”, “yes”, “yes” but his ego was holding him, choking him, refraining him to affirm what he had been wanting all along since his arrival but………… **_His_** heart strains, hand moves on his own accord to sooth the visible disappointment emitting from the other boy but everything evaporates, forcing him to move on. 

 

**_You're such a coward._ **

**_Go well!_ **

****

**_Give up?_ **

**_Never!_ **

**_Do you think you'll be able to defeat me?_ **

 

A menace bickering scene was taking place, an outward attempt to jolt, an intentional blow on his ego, a desperate inward attempt to dissuade him from his irrational emotional decision, and with a strong desire to prove him to this boy, he surrenders, match draw, in consequence a success from both side.

_Or was it a silent agreement of not leaving the other boy alone ever again?_

 

**_This is your first task._ **

**_With Yeo Un around, there won't be any mistakes._ **

**_However, if I let you go by yourselves,_ **

**_I don't know why, but I'm worried._ **

****

**_We will be fine,_ **

**_Don't worry._ **

****

**_Really!_ **

****

**_This is..._ **

**_You're disregarding me right in my face?_ **

 

He flew from that island to the room of a hustle bustle **_Joseon_** , a day on its peak, with their first assignment in their hands. Sa Mu’s absolute confident in his comrade as well as rival, pisses off him as always, and he does not hesitate to show his disapprovement of this matter, _like his opinion was going to take in consideration_. Yeo Un‘s sassy assurance only adds fuel to the flames but he manages to refrain himself from commenting, after all he deserves it, he ruefully contemplates. A smile blossoms, seeing the amalgamation of admiration and jealousy for …….for _Yeo Un_ … ** _Yeo Un….he_** _startles, signals his visions to halt… to savour this grand revelation, his name….finally._

_Don’t hide yourself please, let everything be revealed._

 

He swims between his present life and the previous one, not minding it in the least rather accepting it with open arms, embracing it, letting it build a bridge between two different, distant eras. What amazes him that he was not changed from it a least bit, he was _that_ he, and _that_ he is he _this_ , similarity of natural traits was as unmistakable as his resemblance with _that_ face. 

****

**_If we were ranked,_ **

**_I would be number..._ **

**_That..._ **

**_I'll be after Yeo Un._ **

**_Joseon's Second Best Swordsman,_ **

**_Baek Dong Su._ **

 

And who was the man in his dreams?

This mystery has been solved at last but what was his connection to him was still a question hanging like a sword over his head, who was he himself was not a mystery from the beginning, even without thinking over it or accepting it he knew somewhere in the corner of his mind that the Ajussi in his dream was he himself. He is Baek Dong-su… an intrepid man but still second best to Yeo Un.

 

**_My head._ **

****

**_Hey, grab him!_ **

****

**_From what I see,_ **

**_Even if you were beaten to death today...you deserve it._ **

****

**_Sa Mo! Sa Mo!_ **

****

**_Lower your head, Yeo Un!_ **

****

**_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!Ouch!_ **

****

_You deserve it brat_ , **_he_** pats on his head, lying on the floor in the pain after beaten by his comrades. _How long you think your comrades are going to tolerate you_? **_He_** questions him with a serious resolution.

_But why just him? Why I am not seeing that third guy in my dreams? why just him?_

_Why it is just you and me?_ He asks the lean bodied guy and like he can hears him, he acts, scene abruptly changes and he finds himself lying on a wooden board, all pale, an old man and two guys, excluding him, shadow over him, arguing, thinking of a way to save him. Ajussi suggests something and the other guy protests feverishly and he….that enigmatic man in question, just stood there, thinking gravely, unconcerned of the bickering of other men, then out of blue, suddenly spoke out, 

 

**_\- Move._ **

**_Please give me the knife._ **

 

 _What?_?? Chang yelps, moves forward to save himself from this absurd guy, stand in front of his lying body…..but then stops….eyes wide in disbelief, amazed. Yeo Un sits beside him, brings out his needles and uses them skillfully, very slowly, tentatively, _like afraid of doing any harm,_ he cuts his arm open, expressionless, looking over him professionally, distantly then immediately sucks blood, poisonous blood, from his body. Dumbfounded, **_he_** looks at the scene in front him with just one thought running in his mind,

_What are you doing you brat???_

**_This is the last one._ **

**_Un!_ **

He extends his hand, carrying an arrow to Yeo Un, not trusting in himself of succeeding this final aim, looking at him with absolute trust, burdening the other soul all the same. **_He_** watches as they succeed, and hug each other tightly, joyously. Throwing caution in the air, they stole the horse, bribed the guards, broke multi rules to finish the task they were responsible of. But what important was the trust, the way they depend on each other, an unspoken bond between them, overstepping the boundaries of just a comrade, turning it to the point of a blinded faith he has for him… just for him.

****

**_Tell me the truth._ **

**_What exactly happened?_ **

****

**_That wound is indeed caused by the assassins._ **

**_Un acted as a bait for those assassins_ **

**_And the wound is from that._ **

****

A man in authority grills Yeo un over the wound on his arm, **_he_** looks at him, sitting at one corner silently, and waits for him to react, never fail to his expectation, he jumps in to defend his friend, ending the interrogation with a lie of his own, on which he later gets a reprimandation _or was that a warning?_

****

**_In case... just in case_ **

**_If I was the one who harmed our guys,_ **

**_Dong Su, you..._ **

**_Might well be feeling regretful._ **

****

That confident smile in reply was still imprinted in **_his_** mind as he finds him in the middle of a dusty forest, and observing the unbelievable sight in front of him, every other thought has been wiped away, right there.

****

**_Did you kill His Highness and the Commander?_ **

**_Why? Why?_ **

**_For God's sake, why?_ **

**_What will you do now?_ **

**_I know the truth. Are you going to kill me too?_ **

**_Are you still the Un that I know who was with me through good and bad._ **

****

_What happened to both of you? How you ended up like that?_ **_He_** thought and his vision like listening his woes unfolds the secrets, layer by layer, a panorama that no doubt was the bone of contention.

****

**_This is fate.  Nothing can be done._ **

**_If try to escape, there is no way out._ **

**_Isn't this fate?_ **

****

**_Don't speak nonsense!_ **

**_I do not have excuses._ **

**_Failed people should not make excuses, I know._ **

**_Get up._ **

**_Un, you..._ **

**_I am killing you._ **

****

**_He_** looks as he utters each syllable in anguish, sobbing, like declaring to kill his most trusted comrade was the same as killing himself. The betrayal was too much to absorb, too astounding to believe in just his eyes, if someone would have told him that outcome, he would have laughed on his face, would have mourned over the loss of his senses, his foolishness, _Yeo Un…Woo-na.. How can he betray me? He cannot, he won’t, even if the hell freezes over, it cannot possible._ But the journey from impossibility to possibility was happening before his glittering eyes, shaking his whole world upside down, tearing him asunder.

****

**_Don't.  If you are doing this,_ **

**_I will have to draw my sword._ **

****

**_Draw it then._ **

**_Draw your sword!_ **

****

**_I beg you Baek Dong Su.  Stop it!_ **

****

**_Don't talk.   I will surely kill you!_ **

 

He, stuck to his ground in incredulous, watches as two blood sworn brothers turn into foes right in front of his eyes, fight vehemently an external war as well as an internal over ethics, social norms, obligations, the turn of choice, a road that each one has chosen for his life…. _A road that in no way he was going to let that foolish man to choose, even if he had to take his life to stop him…_. But he could not, blame to his weakness or the heart that was handling his body, his blow, refusing to act on his mind’s command, his own hidden selfish desire to not to kill him but he forcibly shuts out his heart and attacks....but a chill moves all over him when his sword finally meets its target.

 

**_It is a relief_ **

**_That you're alive._ **

****

He knew, just seeing the face and the assassin attire draped on his body that it was the first time, after the blown of his disguised cover, it was first time he was seeing him, following the event that had made him join Heuksa Chorang, leaving behind the path of a warrior. _If this is the path of your choice then why you are not looking content Woo-na?_

****

**_Un!_ **

**_Today, you will die by my hand._ **

****

**_If you can do it..._ **

**_Try it._ **

****

They exchange blows and **_he_** sees in awe as no one makes an actual effort to harm one another. Dong-so finally manages to cut Yeo Un’s cheek but seeing his startle apologizing expression it was apparent that it was unintentional, a sheer luck on his part. The tête-à-tête was the same that he heard not too long ago but looked like centuries had been passed over since he had a go with Seungha over the map and the incidental mark he left on his cheek.

 

Even after receiving the first hand treatment, for the first time in the history of their fight Dong-so has actually managed to draw blood, but even that could not invoke the assassinated feelings from Yeo un, considering his position in his guild. Dong-so taunts him over his nonsense fate and destiny talk, provokes him to kill him but Chang with his own eyes witness the hesitation. Yeo Un, trying to remain impassive, even after threatening to kill him, ends up stopping when he gets the chance to make a hole in his body, proving Dong-so right.

Chang could not decide that who was more amazed, **_he_** , spectators or the men in action themselves.  

 

**_Maybe you should give up._ **

**_If you give up, you will be at ease._ **

****

**_I won't give up._ **

**_I've hated you and even wanted to kill you before._ **

**_Even if you hadn't betrayed us,_ **

**_and hadn't bound yourself to that bullshit destiny,_ **

**_and even if you hadn't run away..._ **

**_I would have resented you countless times._ **

**_But aren't you Un?_ **

**_Aren't you my friend, Un?_ **

**_I do not know what your destiny is._ **

**_If you cannot resist, I will help you withstand it._ **

**_So, Un..._ **

**_Please do not give up._ **

He finds himself overhearing the two opponents, once buddies _or were they still_ , behind the bars in seclusion. The more **_he_** sees them together, the more he is perplexed at what are they fighting and arguing over in the first place. One was persistent to follow the path his fate has chosen for him and the other was determined to drag him away from the path of an assassin by ears, by fight by yelling or by begging. Indifference to his reasoning, his bullshit talk of destiny and fate, he was resolute to take him away from the agony, the hell that he had chosen for him, _I won’t give you up, ever._

 

Giving him up was the same as giving up the bond that made them as one, giving up their precious memories they had shared together, giving up the valuable friendship that was blessed upon them, giving up the right path that Yeo Un had abandoned… and that he won’t allow to happen, _ever_.

****

**_How can we believe his words?_ **

**_It could be a trap._ **

****

**_I believe him._ **

 

Even after his betrayal, denouncing their friendship and degrading the values they had once cherished together, he was all ready to give him chance, to believe in him. Chang sees as Dong-so takes an instant action upon Yeo Un’s words and smiles, _it was nothing unusual; he knew he would believe him… always._

 

Another page turns and he finds Dong-so in royal blue guard uniform, protecting the crown price from the inevitable attack of assassin… ** _he_** joins him, Dong-so, in his disbelief towards Yeo Un, seeing him flying on his horse, carrying a sword, with a killing intent. **_He_** sees as he puts on a stoic mask, and jumps to attack Yeo Un which he deflects by just bending upward on his horse. Dong-so stands there, motionless, seeing incredulously as Yeo Un acts up to his role of an assassin. Heart thundering, perspiration prickling his body, as Yeo Un moves forward towards Prince but as he pulls out the sword to attack, an arrow comes from nowhere and hits the target, making him stop and stare towards the intervene.

Chang openly, and Dong-so in the silent corner of his heart, they both rejoice in relief that it was not from Yeo Un.

 

**_It must have been a hard and lonely road for him._ **

**_If you ever see him again, try to help him._ **

**_You should help him so that he can return._ **

 

Chang stays with him as he reports his uncle of the success of his mission and smiles fondly when he never forget to mention that Yeo Un came but he didn't kill anyone. He nods in affirmation, ardently as his uncle asks him to bring him back…that he was going to do any way, _one way or another I am going to drag you back to your place, where you actually belongs,_ he silently vows to Yeo un’s image.

 

**_What are you doing?_ **

****

**_This is a hidden strike._ **

****

****

**_A technique like this and you can still block it._ **

**_Now Dong Su, you are Joseon's best swordsman._ **

****

**_Did something happen?_ **

****

**_Therefore, I will become Joseon's best assassin._ **

**_I must first surmount this position._ **

****

He keeps on rambling, making him anxious, he knew something had happened, he knew something was troubling him, he wanted to console but he knew that as well that his consolation won’t be welcomed, more chances were that it would be taken as pity or sympathizing that Yeo Un hated. He refrains himself for an opportunity to break in but without giving him any chance he departs….. leaving him behind in bewilderment.

 

**_In the lies that you said you_ **

**_would protect them._ **

**_Do you know how many of them_ **

**_endured the pain?_ **

**_Now put away that fake kindness._ **

****

He was scorning him, shouting squarely on his face, _or was he complaining for abandoning him like other did._ _But he did not._ Anger floods into his body, extracting an incoherent and rash response from him and they both end up fighting in the darkness. Chang watches as each one voices his feeling through his blow, aggression flowing, cleansing their minds, emptying it, safe keeping it from any third party invasion. _Why don’t you guys sit and solve this puzzle in peaceful manners?....why are you stretching it? What are you fighting for?_ Chang wanted to bang their head together to put some senses into those dumb minds.

 

**_You met Her Majesty..._ **

**_What did Her Majesty tell you?_ **

****

**_She wanted Baek Dong Su's head._ **

****

**_So what did you tell her?_ **

****

**_I told her that I'll kill him._ **

****

**_Can you kill your only friend with your_ **

**_own hands?_ **

****

**_Friend..._ **

**_That's just an old talk._ **

 

 _Why earth is moving, or was it his own world that was shattering?_ Dong so stares ahead of him in nothingness, blindly. But this leisure soon taken away as his cover blown up, making him fall on the ground, to come back to the harsh reality.

 

**_Baek Dong Su! How can you not_ **

**_have a day without trouble?_ **

****

**_Is that why you_ **

**_made a promise to kill me?_ **

****

He said that nonchalantly in answer to the frantic admonishment of Yeo Un, who was not his comrade anymore, who had just openly demeaned their friendship. He spits out without any emotion, but internally a war was wagging between his mind and heart… heart shouting;…this is a lie, this is a plain lie, you heard wrong, Yeo Un must be bluffing, he cannot do this… and head; right…that’s what I wanted you to see, to wake up, Yeo Un’s has changed. He is an assassin, accept it, wake up you rascal. He shuts out both voices, suddenly losing all the desire to live, empty life, it was worse than the betrayal he had received, it was worse, million time more.

 

When commander of State summons him henchmen with bullets, he just stand there, to let them target him, to slaughter him, to relieve him from this miserable life, it was lifeless anyway. Not even seeing that person, who not too long ago had proclaimed to kill him, but whose face has changed shade from red to while to pale in seconds, who secretly moves his hand to unsheathe his duel swords. He just stands there closing his eyes, unaware the tsunami taking place in the poor soul. **_He_** could feel the pilling of misunderstandings and desperation in him but at the same time, his lips twitches knowingly. There was so much he could not grasp back then.

 

_Was I that dumb back then?_

_You haven’t changed rascal, you still are._ Someone shouted at him, no doubt Sa Mu's tap-recorded reawakening voice.

He sees as Dong-so looks up to the moon in isolation with Yeo Un’s voice ringing behind his mind, promising to kill him…. In his melancholy state, eyes fill up with unshed tears, he witness the first seed of misunderstanding penetrating their bond.

**_Cho Rip…._ **

****

**_He was cut by a sword._ **

**_Yeo Un….He did it._ **

****

**_Yeo... Yeo Un._ **

****

He stutters as he articulates his name, the name of the person who matter to him more than his own life, more than anything, memories, years friendship, belief all break down in a catastrophe, in one single moment his world had knocked down, demolished to the pit of ashes. What left was lifeless skeleton, a sense of duty, a responsibility, spirit has left as his belief had once again crashed down by the same person, through the very person whom he could trust with his life. _Something died in him right there._

****

**_Long time no see._ **

**_We haven't been_ **

**_together like this for a long time._ **

****

Like an unexpected ray of light, Yeo Un jumps in when his meager strength was crushing under the pressure of hundred soldiers. **_He_** sees as he struggles with himself, rekindle hope was ready to pip up, to extend its wings, giving him unpredictably what he was afraid to look forward to. _It is too early to hope_ , he pushes it back, terrified of building it again and watching it tear down at the next moment.

****

**_What happened to Cho Rip._ **

****

**_I had to do it to fool them._ **

**_Don't worry. I didn't hit any vital organs._ **

**_He will be fine._ **

****

Huge waves of relief gushes over him, giving him hope after hope, giving him another life, even seeing the death opening its mouth in front of him he savour this moment. Because he was not alone, and the person with whom he had to fight was not Yeo Un… he was with him….HE IS WITH ME… an euphoric feeling engulfs his whole body, shielding him from the dread that he should feel seeing an army of Commander of war advancing to kill him. He speaks playfully, unconcern to the situation surrounding them.

****

**_Then now, we only need to_ **

**_Take care of these guys._ **

****

Signaling each other, they finally jump in together to fight off the army invading palace, to dance on the same side, a way towards light, for the same purpose, for new **_Joseon_**. 

****

**_…Now we finally can die._ **

**_…..Then let's die together._ **

****

A light reply to a lightly spoken statement, Yeo Un’s answer return him what he thought he won’t get back again; a friendship that was on the verge of breaking, relieved, a blossom happiness, a desire to live for hundred years more surfaces inside him.

 

**_I must drink to my heart's content today!_ **

****

**_Dong-so, I think you're in a good mood today._ **

****

**_Yes, very well._ **

****

**_I haven't seen you laugh so happily for a long time._ **

 

**_That's right. Baek Dong Su, what's with you today?_ **

****

What he tells them….he was happy…no, he was flying in the air…he wanted to dance like a lunatic.. After all Yeo Un was coming back… _my Woo-na is coming back to my side_ …..he was brimming with joy…. making it noticeable all the more for his family. Chang chuckles on his palpable elation, praying nothing to go wrong again.

 

**_Un to me is also a best friend, and family._ **

****

**_So when the two of us see him,_ **

**_we should at least listen to his explanation._ **

****

**_Dong Su, that is your problem._ **

**_You don't care if Un speaks the truth_ **

**_or a lie,_ **

**_you won't hear it as a lie._ **

**_Why?_ **

**_Because you only see what you choose to see._ **

**_At one time I was also like that._ **

**_At the time when Training Commander_ **

**_Im Su Ung passed away,_ **

**_At the time His Highness passed away,_ **

**_I believed Un._ **

**_But didn't Un leave us then?_ **

****

**_Yang Cho Rip._ **

****

**_Don't convince me again._ **

**_My determination is no less than_ **

**_your confidence._ **

****

All his hopes shatters down again as Cho Rip, of all people, unveil the death of Crown Prince Sado and in result an issue to kill the Sky Lord of Heuksa Chorong had been issued, not only issued but also that task to accomplish was given none other but Baek Dong so. Chang sees as Dong-so , he, yells on his childhood friend on this inanity, rebukes him for being out of his mind, who yells at him back… begs him to open his eyes, as he had lost all hopes for the return of Yeo Un. He looks in disbelief as Cho rip refuses to budge even an inch. **_Why don't you understand? Yeo Un, as long as you come back it will be okay._**

****

**_Cho Rip!!!!!_ **

**_Did you do this Un?_ **

**_Why are you doing this?_ **

**_Why, in the end?_ **

**_It's all over already. So why on earth did you do that?_ **

****

He looks at Yeo Un incredulously, not believing on his eyes and the sight of Cho Rip’s injured body laying in the bushes, blood flowing from his limbs.

****

**_For a moment,_ **

**_for just a brief moment_ **

**_I also thought like that, and believed it._ **

**_It was only an illusion of my wishful_ **

**_I am only an assassin._ **

****

He could feel the anguish emitting from Yeo Un, but there was something more that was scaring him, turning his blood into cold….like it has not ended yet, there was something more…..what?

****

**_How far do you want to go in the end?_ **

****

**_Baek Dong Su._ **

**_What exactly do you want of me?_ **

**_I am an assassin, Heuksa Chorong's leader._ **

**_An enemy of this country, Joseon._ **

****

**_Un you, even if you didn't care about fate,_ **

**_even if you hadn't become an assassin or something like that,_ **

**_would you still have become like this?_ **

****

**_Well then..._ **

**_What expectations do you have for me?_ **

**_What exactly do you want me to do?_ **

**_Baek Dong Su._ **

**_Looks like we should settle the_ **

**_gratitude and resentment between us._ **

****

Chang sees, holding his breath, as Dong-so stands there motionlessly, breaking apart.

****

**_You thought you could beat me?_ **

****

**_From childhood to adulthood,_ **

**_When have you ever won in a_ **

**_fight against me, since we were young?_ **

**_Even if it is just once,_ **

****

**_I might kill you._ **

****

**_Those kind of words,_ **

**_say them again after you beat me._ **

****

They both fell into another brawl. A sense of dread spreads over him, overwhelming him, his instincts were shouting at him to beware….alerting him, Yeo Un was speaking his mind, taunting him, it was not like him… something was not right.

****

**_Didn't you say you can beat me?_ **

****

**_Baek Dong Su._ **

**_You have to have the will to kill me._ **

****

Dong-So gets a chance to slash Yeo Un, but he hesitates and couldn’t do it. Yeo Un takes this chance to slash Dong Soo’s arm, proving him wrong, showing him he is an assassin after all. What can he do? His mind..his limbs were not in his control, they don’t want to hurt him, sobbing, he stops whenever his sword touch his body, he stops automatically. Yeo Un’s slashes, he welcomes it, almost grateful for physical pain over the pain, the throbbing he was facing inside, _I cannot hurt you….tell me how to hurt you without hurting myself, it hurts Yeo Un….stop this please._

****

**_This is the last time._ **

**_We,_ **

**_Can't we return to how it was before?_ **

****

**_My... only safe refuge,_ **

**_was you, Dong Su...,_ **

**_I thought that for as long as I could_ **

**_be together with you,_ **

**_I could live under the sun._ **

**_At least I experience this bit of_ **

**_That is enough._ **

****

Something is terribly wrong…his heart beats like a drum, making  a commotion…. _Yeo Un is talking about feeling, he is getting sentimental??? He is emotional??? Ha….not even in his dreams….its just my wishful thinking. But why I am crying? Why it is hurting like hell…..what are you doing Woo-na?? Why are you turning me into a wretched fool? Yeo Un runs towards him, duel swords in each hand. Fine!! End it…better to kill me than making me kill you. It is better._ Chang sees as Seeing Yeo Un running towards him, Dong Soo runs forwards, but midway he kneels down, raising his sword high. He closes his eyes, willing to stay still and accept what’s to come, surrendering, almost in reverence, waiting for the blow…..but the blow he was expecting did not come. He feels a warm body being thrown at him, hears an unmistakable sound of slash, a flesh tearing…. _a flesh??_ Afraid of opening and seeing what he was imagining, but commanding his eyes nonetheless to witness his worst nightmare, Yeo Un’s limp body lying over him, bleeding, _so that was the outcome my instincts were shouting at me to avoid._ He speaks in a strained voice.    


**_Un... Un._ **

**_Since from the past, I thought_ **

**_That if I had to die by someone’s hands,_ **

**_I wished it would be yours._ **

****

His heart cries, mourns inside, Chang standing dumbfounded at one side, seeing him with his own sorrowful heart…sorrow? No this is not the right word to comprehend the loss he was feeling seeing Yeo Un dying….

****

**_You can still live._ **

**_Un you..._ **

****

**_Until I reach the underworld,_ **

**_to His Highness, to Sword Saint,_ **

**_I'll get on my knees and bow deeply._ **

**_Don't be hurt your whole life for a person like me._ **

****

Yeo Un pats Dong Soo’s back, “ ** _Thank you, Dong Soo_**.”  his hands drop from holding on to Dong-So and Dong-so, he knew the exact moment when he left him.. drifted away….to his next journey, to his end, to the next world, with the numbness of his limbs, he tries to ward off this dream, to wake up….desperately he thought of a way to make it all seem a dream, a nightmare of which when he wake up, Yeo Un will be there, even if he leaves but he will be there, alive, breathing somewhere…. _I am sorry Woo-na…you want to leave? Right I will let you go…you want me to not find you?? I will do it, I promise I won’t come after you but….this…this won’t be accepted, I can’t accept…. Don’t scare me Woo-na…wake up you brat…. Wake up…I am sorry for pushing you….I promise I won’t do it again….I promise Woo-na….please wake up._ With his dry lips, he finally shouts in a futile attempt, afraid of jolting the body over him all the same.

 

**_Un!_ **

**_Don't die, Un._ **

**_Un, Un._ **

**_Un, don't die._ **

**_Yeo Un!_ **

**_Yeo Un!_ **

****

With his voice ringing in his mind, Chang has been forcibly thrown back to reality. Shaking on his feet, heart thundering, perspiration  making his clothes clamping over his body, quivering he sits down, not knowing  whether it is a ground, or rock, or gravel, he just falls down on his feet. He moves his hand to wipe the sweat and realizes that he was crying…his face was full of tears… drenching.

 

He sits there, as people pass by him, chatting, laughing, and yelling….but he remains stuck to his place, his body was too tired to move. He just sat there for God knows how long. His heart that was pounding, thundering like a storm a moment ago was finally calming down, giving him back his rational thinking, making him realize that the person who he is right now is Ji Chang Wook not Dong-so and the person who just died in his arms back then is still alive, breathing in the same air as his, he is alive….Yeo un might be dead but Yoo Seungha is alive…. Seungha is alive. I can talk to him any time but the desire to see him with him own eyes was overwhelming his senses, he wanted to see him, a proof of his existence that he is alive… he struggle to stand on his feet and walks toward his designated area, towards reality.

 

In passing, he checks his watch and almost jumps out of his skin that only one hour has passed in his expedition from 17 century to present. He has been away for just an hour and it was like centuries, in this short span of time, he managed to see the three decades of his life….important events.  

 

As he walks down, the anguish, the sorrow, his fears all fade away with every step he takes, replacing it with a relief. Seeing Seungha right now can put on hold for the time being, he is alive…we have been given another chance…this is the thing to celebrate.

 

_I won’t let you go this time Woo-na._

Woo-na…Woo-na…Yeo Un…Woo-naa….childishly he call his name over and over again, smile spreading, relaxing his tense limb….. Seungha….Yoo Seungha….Woo-na….Yeo Un….Woo-naaa….. he laugh suddenly… scaring the others through his silly million watts smile….but he keeps on smiling….booming.

 

He looks around, whether his eyes were betraying or the place around him was really glowing, lustrous in all its glory; sky was more brightening; plants, tree, soil, cliff, stone, everything in and out of nature was more picturesque than before like coming out freshly from an artist’s painting. He was feeling a new energy, a feverish zeal, even without eating for over a day, he had no appetite; he was full, _because my soul just had its fill just now._

He smiles. The situation he was in right now was demanding his undivided attention, a contemplation of mind but all he wanted to do was to take a deep breath and yell on the top of his lungs,

 

_I have found him_

_I have found him at last._

_I have solved this riddle._

_I have found my missing part._

 

To say that he was happy could not justify the feelings he was experiencing right now. Happiness word was way too little; too incomplete to express the cataclysm he was going through, to show the jittering, the tingling going all over his body. In such a short time, he has experienced from anguish to ecstasy, an acute relief, relief that was too huge that his whole body was trembling. He was regretting not telling anyone about it, now he can’t tell anyone about what he has found out now, what he has got now.

 

“Sa Mu!!!”

He swifly brings out his mobile to call his father, but _service not available_ tapped voice mock him.

“Ha…..not even you.”

 

He thinks again about going after Seungha, who has returned to his home, faking an illness. But whatever excuse he gives, it will be too lame anyway. Besides he wanted to give him some space, to get it on his own like he did. Come to think of it, he was not even sure whether he would welcome it or discard it just like he had been doing since his arrival. He did not confide in to anyone about that he was damn sure, thinking about his brooding.

 

_So that’s why you have been nervous last night and today whole day._

You were nervous because you knew your dreams could have exposed you, and today you have been avoiding me in fear that you might have utter something in your sleep.

 

Now he knew what he saw last night, it was his coming out of the closet dream when he exposed his true identity of choosing the path of assassination. Everything was crystal clear now. After going through the afternoon scene , not too long ago, everything, everything episode, everything act, everything dream was clear now, like he knew everything all along but could not put the missing piece together, that puzzle was complete now, that sudden realization put a sensation through his body. _Everything was clear now._

 

He signs with relief….acute relief.

Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. He yawns widely and stretch his body…. But a new sound intrudes in his joyful thinking….ringing of his cell….cell? was not you dead a moment ago?...he ask the inanimated object then slaps on his forehead hard on his foolishness, he was out of dense green, of course he was in the range of signals. _Pick up phone you brat_ …someone shout making him alert again.

 

Yes?

Yes this is Ji Chang. Who is speaking?

Wha……What???


	12. …..tha-e-nida

“So guys…. some of you might know that Ji Chang has returned to New York.”

                                   

Seungha’s ears perk up on this sudden announcement.

 

“He has to go in the middle of the trip due to some urgent situation. Let’s hope that there won’t be a bad news waiting for him.”

 

_He has gone?_

_All the time I was here freaking out and he…..he had gone?_

_..But should not you be relieved…….? Mind interrupts his jabbering._

_……Then why the hell I am feeling the opposite? Heart questions,_

_..Like hell I know….._

When class started and what professor talked about, that all went unnoticed by Seungha. He fruitlessly tries to make a peace between the two prominent and dominant organs of his body, to refrain himself from lingering between their usual bickering, trying his hardest to be attentive, to make notes all the same but fails miserably on all accounts.

 

_..He should have informed me about this._

_……And why should he?_

_..We have been together all this time… kind of friends; I merit at least this much._

_……And what you did? Is that entitled you a friend?_

_..I just left._

_…….He did the same._

 

Agrrr……… _leave me alone._ He shouts at them who never know when to console him, always berating him like revenging on some past misdeeds that he had committed in darkness, punishing him nonstop.

 

“Is there something the matter Yoo Seungha?”

_Holy good_.. No Ma’m….it’s _(my conscious)_ …..that _(is keep talking)_ …..I was _(listening to that stupid)_ ….You _(catch me red handed)_ … he stutters, noticing that he is the center of attention, Professor, students, Woo Bin...everyone was staring at him, some chuckling, some smirking, some in question, and some innocent like him were just gaping in wonder.

“I beg your pardon?”

Sorry Ma’m… he lowers his head, failed in finding an escape route, _apologizing is the best way after all_ ….

“Sit down and kindly pay attention to the class.”

 Yes Ma’m. _What else I can do_.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Woo bin whispers, seeing ahead of him.

“Keep quiet.” He spits out in clenched teeth.

“Why are you on fire?”

“You want to have some?”

That did shut him of. Seungha sighs in relief but soon catches up with a fully established court and panel of judges in his mind and his relief runs away shrieking.

 

**……………………………………**

 

“Seungha hand over this envelope to Hye In, she just dropped by but forgot it behind.”

“Alright!” He complies unquestioningly.

“And if you have time, give her some company, even though I tried my hardest but she might prefer your company better. She has been missing her nephew since his sudden departure.

_Not just she_ …

He walks to the path leading to Hye In's place, the path that he has walked on a million times before but now…as he was walking, he was feeling a faint yearning like he has lost something precious along this way…. A weird void inside him…. _is this my imagination or am I really missing him?_... overlooking the time when he had endlessly visited Hye In, now looking at the gate, all he could remember was the time when Chang opened the door, teased him, made fun of him….when he dreaded to join his company, when keeping a safe distance from his influence was a matter of life and death to him but now….now all he wanted was him to come out of a corner….yelling ‘ _surprise_ ’…. and made some silly remark, rouse his irritation… and then laugh innocently… making him join too. _I think…no I am sure I have gone mad._ He stands there, staring at the door… but instead of him, out of the nowhere, a flash appears, a wave of déjà vu spreads over him, pushing all other things behind.

 

**_Are you alright Baek Dong-so?_ **

He finds himself in a strange place, just standing there, gazing at someone’s door longingly, murmuring  something but as he turns to leave, a girl appears...yes just like that...Seungha sees someone coming towards him....saying...

****

**_What are you doing?..... Are you here to see whether he is alive or dead, and if he is not, you want to kill him yourself?_ **

****

_No...no……._

****

**_What are you doing? Are you here to see whether I am alive or dead… of missing my nephew…Seriously… your mom_**...his aunt mumbles something incoherently, and Seungha..he just looks at her like he has seen a ghost....ghost of his past… emanating from his aunt...he moves forward to grab her shoulder to...to shake off that girl image whom he could see clearly like shadow of a sculpture, a negative of a photo, like two souls emerging from a single  body…Hye In’s body.

 

“What's wrong? Did your mom said to check on me so I may not drown myself in loneliness… huh?? I am alright kiddo...fully sober...come inside, and forget about leaving, you are having dinner with me.”

 

She pats his shoulder lovingly, making him to rush back to earth…come back to his senses. There was no ghost; his mind was playing his notorious tricks again.

 

_Just let me get over with this, I will kill you tonight._ He silently vows to his mind which chortles in return.

_Daaaagaaa_!!

 

**……………………………………**

 

 “So why he left so suddenly?”

“Oh! He did not tell you?”

“Na..I was already heading back by that time; I have mountain sickness you know.”

“Yup, I remember, you always seem so lost whenever we visited any historical place.”

“Was I?” Seungha halts in the mid way, looking at her curiously.

“It was pretty obvious sweet-pie and Min Su thought you were engrossed, enjoying it. It was me who relieved you from your mother obsession with history. You should thanks to me for that.”

Seungha laughs, “No I think this benevolence calls for a bow otherwise you know my mom.”

They both cackle up, campaigning against his mother.  

**……**

 

“Seeing you and Chang I wish I had married and had a son just like you two.”

He was sipping his coffee, thinking nothing in particular when Hye In broke in his thoughts. 'Really?'

“Yeah! I would not have to miss him or beg you for company…” She scorns him playfully “...you three could be friend then, a trio set.”

“Yeah Cho rip could have his chance too.”

“Cho rip?”

“Oh, It’s from the Manhwa…a trio set.” _Where the hell that has came from?..._ he scolds himself for speaking it aloud.

“Hah...your read Manhwa? I never take you for that stuff…. Chang maybe but you??... not you.”

“Chang likes to do almost everything.”

“Yes…” she laughs “…Mr _know-it-all_. And you know he writes diary too..”

“Really?”

“Yes, it is of this year mean he writes on regular basis.”

“Hm….” _what is it to him whether he write or not._

“….and in hurdling back he left it behind.”

_Or maybe it is_

“I was cleansing his room and found it. I am thinking of sending it back to him one of these days.” She puts empty cups in tray to take it to Kitchen.

“Need my service?”

Hye In turns in surprise.

“I have something to send him too.”

“Oh! Yup, it will be great, thanks Seungha.”

“Mention not.” He smiles nonchalantly.

 

**……**

 

Seungha leaves Hye In’s home with Chang diary in tow. He does not know why he asked for this uncalled for thing, it was unintentional, like before consulting to his mind and approved by him, his heart took matter in its hands and voice its feelings that resulted this thing being ended up in his hands. He looks at the diary like seeing his opponent, _and seriously what I am going to do with you?_

**……………………………………**

 

He tries to sleep, left to right then right to left side but falls flat… no matter how hard he pushes himself he is incapable to woe Hypnos to bless him tonight. He was always trained to turn from side to side at night from the beginning, but the case, the reason was different this time.

_Arrrrrr……This diary_ …… he throw his cover angrily aside and looks at the object, bone of contention, an apple of discord, a tension of a tension. He calls it various names to reduce his anger.

 

_..Read it…_ Heart pushes him.

_….Nooo it is against ethics…._ Head jumps in _._

_..It won’t kill anyone….read it._

_…..It will kill your ethics._

_..Ethics can’t put you to sleep._

_….But breaking it, it might not wake you up again._

_..Don’t mind it…you Read_

_….Transplant your heart…this has caught virus._

_..Read it._

_….Don’t._

_..Read it_

_……Don’t_

Agrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………….shut up you both.

_Silence_

 

He goes to his study table, and decisively grab Chang’s diary that was holding him back from going to the valley of oblivion …. _I will tell him truthfully.,.. I will be honest and tell him what have I done…I promise._ Calming his conscious…surrendering to his desire…he opens up the sophisticated crimson colored diary… whether it was just his imagination or had the world just stopped moving, halting its revolution, holding its breath just like him….as if he was uncovering something forbidden. Had Columbus felt the same when he discovered America?….Had Egyptian underwent the same experience when they groped any buried pyramid?…when they were following their senses, moving towards the unseen? Had they felt the same adrenaline rush enveloping their whole body? and all the world travelers…had their sensations reached to its zenith at the same level as mine when they suddenly stumbles upon something unique, mysterious, out of their range….but he…he was not doing any favour to his nation, nor he was any explorer went out to look something but the feelings at that moment was too arresting, too salient, too pungent akin to committing a crime, or like he was doing unknown to human race yet, something gigantic, like opening this diary will be the same as unveiling the truth of this universe.

Every nocturnal thing was sleeping but he with his senses, with Chang’s diary in his hand was fully awake… on the threshold of discovering _something_ inconceivable. For a second he just stares at the page before his eyes….page showing his initials _“JCW”_ at one corner, and a little note underneath it;

****

_“If you have found it and have read it to quench your curiosity, pray don’t bother to find me now, just burn it…if you are a director or someone similar to it, you are permitted to make a movie or drama out of it …don’t thanks me..I am just born genius”_

_(PN: WBDS writer found that diary I think)_

****

A grin and something akin to guilt ruffles his tight muscles, calming the berating of his mind down at the same time. It was so like Chang. He turns to the next page..... _empty_.,..he turns to the next one.... _empty_...he turns another one… _again empty_ …. _is he kidding or what?....._ he turns two to three pages simultaneously and finally comes across to something, in the center of the page, inscribing like someone who was emptying his mind in fear of losing it later.

 

He shielded my body…He??? I did not think, not even once that he took me as his friend or someone to die for…he is really shocking me more than the giant that is towering over me. I was lying on the gravel, staring at his back…and my mind shrieking like a lunatic…he was facing that giant…that monster was scaring me, but he was shielding me from him…between me and the giant, no other but he…that giant kicked him aside and pushed the sword, mumbling something inaudible…in my right side…ahhhhh…pain severe pain…

****

Not knowing that his legs are shaking, not knowing that he is slowing falling to the ground where he was standing holding the diary, grabbing it like a drowning man catching at a straw, not able to hold his trembling body, not able to bear the sensation penetrating his body, he sits right there…..a blank dotted wall hang over his mind, totally black, like making room for a new one, tuning it to some other channel, and then after passing through numerous channels in a row, it finally settles on one.

****

_My whole body gets an electric shock, seeing him running back to the camp, shouting my name. But it was nothing compare to the dread I felt when he finally stumbled across to the Chun, Sky lord of Heuksa Chorong. My whole body was like thrown into iced water. Unable to stop my own feet, I move my numb body, push it between them, protecting him from the inevitable, fruitlessly protecting him from the wrath that he had occurred, no one but he, to cut the body of an assassin, scarring his body with his inept hands._

That night, laying on his bed beside him, he realized that Dong-so was not just an assignment that sky Lord gave him to accomplish, to spy over the warrior camp, he was more than that, he was growing on him, and even knowing that it could be fatal, he let him made his way into his life.

His hand moves on his own accord, turning the next page.

****

**_Do you mean to say that you can give up your limb for a comrade?_ ** _That’s what one of the guards of the palace has said. But can I really? Huh…never…my right hand??? No way…left hand perhaps_

****

_That is what pushed me to save you in beacon post. Recalling the time when you and bespectacled guy shielded my body with your limbs, decision was made right then, opposite to the order that had been given to me by my guild, as I volunteered to treat you._

After placing two needles near his temple to numb him, he opens up the infected area and sucks out the bad blood.

_And when I find that you, as Heuksa Chorang will save me in the end anyway, but you have overcame the obstacle and cheated the death once again, I practically, I who was so poised and reserved, literally jumped up and down in joy, hugging you, forgetting my misery for once._

 

Next page….

 

_I see myself sleeping peacefully, but when I wake up and read the short letter left behind by someone, I run frantically, brushing past him and heads to Chief in command. We exchanged some words, we wrestle with each other, throwing one another against the wall and still I fail to escape from that person’s grip. He tells to use my head and think ahead of the situation but I snapped back, **I can't! My head is a decoration, okay? Ever since I was born, I live with my heart!**_

****

He watches the confrontation wordlessly. _I cannot do anything. A tiny part of me is relieved that it is not you, relieved enough to reduce to the tears pooling in my cold eyes but seeing you falling apart like that… to this extend I can stand but no…..you are not going to die… not this death._

 

_We are always fighting, if not fighting among ourselves, then with others…seriously what is this life, not even a moment to take breath…and not even once I have managed to have a decent conversation with him…god knows who the hell is this person but… I don’t know whether I have this chance of telling him or not but I tell you diary, sometimes, not all the, sometimes I find him too fascinating, too amazing that I want to shriek like a crazy that I have a friend like him. Thanks fully that he is a friend otherwise I don’t know how I am going to handle a foe like him…_

****

**_Yeo Un,_ **

**_dealing with them one-by-one is too troublesome._ **

**_Let's do it together!_ **

He smiles inwardly _…trust in him and you won’t find a single peaceful day in your life. But when he acts this confidence this cheeky all the advices of our uncle SaMu just wipes away from my mind….watching him like that is a only fun of my life…so carefree, so unconcerned, so full of himself._

****

_He seems so aloof talking like that… It is a dream but a dread is engulfing me… I have completely trust in you buffoon but just thinking of a time when you are not with us scares me…when did I start depending on you like that? You and harming our guys…? Duh…fat chance. ‘Just in case’ there won’t be a case like that you mental case…scared me freaking out of my body._

****

**_Why didn't you ask about my wound?_ **

**_…Because I believe you._ **

_Don’t trust me… don’t trust me… open up your eyes, I am a mole inside you guys, why are you trusting me? Open your eyes, blow my cover so I could be put at ease a little, openly deceiving you guys. My path is not the same as yours Dong-so-ya…I don’t have a home like you. I am a black star that have darkened the world of my parents, I am the one whose mother died because of him and who has committed a hideous crimes like patricide, and you trust me with someone’s life…open your eyes for God sake, open it please and recognize the real me….recognize it..I beg you._

****

_This universe has halted its rotation, sun will rise up from west and set in the east… moon has refused to be luminous at night…or is this my world that have been blown up?_

_I stare at him in disbelief; Yeo Un…Woo-na.. How can he betray me? He cannot, he won’t, even if the hell freezes over, it cannot possible. But the journey from impossibility to possibility is happening before my eyes, shaking my whole world upside down, tearing it asunder._

_Do I have to fight with you now? I am laughing at myself, hearing myself declaring that I will kill you… Can I kill you?…Can I kill my best friend?...yes I will…I will kill you…I won’t let anyone else find out this new face of yours…no… no one can kill you except me. I have to kill you… I… I blindly use my sword, to kill you but why a chill is moving all over me?_

****

**_You must live on._ **

**_Live on, so that_ **

**_you can take revenge on me for sure, Baek Dong Su._ **

**_…You all... I won't forgive you…_ **

_Yes… don’t forgive me…hate me….it will be more easy for you then…hate me with all your heart, forget the memories, the time that we have shared, we have spent together, throw it aside like an infected portion of your life._ He looks as his only friend, only person whom he cherishes more than his life, fell down to the ground, sobbing, he did not want to leave. _This is not right, this is not what I wanted…I do not want to be an assassin Dong-so-ya…. I don’t want to be… but I have no choice, forgive me._

_Seriously_.. _If this is the path of your choice then why are not you looking content Woo-na?_ _And if you call yourself an assassin then why are not you killing the obstacle that was called your comrade once? I can see your heart is not into fight that is what has given me an upper hand today, who could not win a single fight out of 1379 had finally manages to cut your cheek…but why are not you attacking back…you so-called assassin?_

****

**_You think I won't dare to kill you?_ **

**_I am an assassin._ **

**_Like His Highness the Crown Prince,_ **

**_I can kill you too._ **

_I don’t want to fight… and tell me how I can make you stop from jumping into fights randomly. You are not skillful yet… with this skill of yours, how you going to overcome the obstacle called Heuksa Chorung?…how you going to defend your family? But with this divert state of mind; it did earn me a new cut on my face and I ended up proving you right anyway when even having the chance to hit you with my dual swords, I could not, pausing mid-way. Giving you any hope is not what I am intending but….. Listening you talking about destiny and fate so lightly I am envious…really envious… I wish I could take it as lightly as you…_ **_"See? It's not that you don't dare, but you cannot kill. You're not an assassin. I know I'm below you in skills but like you I don't bow down to some rotten destiny."_**

_Holding on to your horse's rein,_ _I wanted to shout at you, to beat you…to do anything to stop you from leaving…How much more I need to show you to make you realize that the path that you have taken up as chosen by your fate is not the path for your liking, you can discard it anytime, but why the hell you are stalling it?...._ _Instead I vow to you and myself that today will be the last time that I will lose to you… but seeing the anguish in your eyes, I just could not hold up this cold exterior any longer._ _**I will wait for you…whether or not you want it, I will wait for you…** _

****

**_…Thank you._ **

_I don’t want to go…I belong here…I don’t want to go…_ galloping on his horse blindly, all he wanted to do was to turn around and go back to the place where he actually belonged _… but I cannot…thanks was all I could sum up to say. But this is not all, I have been shoulder a more huge burden than my thoughts, a burden that I cannot throw away now… **Now I can no longer come back, Dong Su.** Is this the dejection…repentance I am feeling, ., sighing, scar still glittering that I had just earned from the comrade whom I cannot call comrade anymore, I need to move on…. Sorry Dong-so-ya….. sorry._

_We meet after years apart…slightly grownup, different hair styles…me in warrior and you in assassin mode… and coincidence or what, the first person I got to meet after three years was you…on the edge of killing someone with whom we both were once acquainted. Seeing you like that…I was suppressing my anger…how can you change so much…but there is something that still has not changed…I cannot fathom it but when I ask you to put away your sword…you did…when I counter-attacked the bald guy, was I seeing the appreciation in your eyes?... when I seriously used the catchphrase of my childhood that I would be the best sword of Joeson…the way you repeat after me…was this…was this…what was this? I could not grasp it but that was the exact moment when I took the breath of relief that you were still the Woo-na that I knew…_

****

**_Baek Dong Su...At such a young age, to have such ability..._ **

**_It is tough to believe it._ **

_Dong-so you have managed to wobble the walls of Heuksa Churang… they are talking about you… and me…comparing us…. Hats off to you for actually succeeding up to this level._ Showing the air of nonchalantly, sipping from a cup while listening the two other guys converse about his friend’s skills, and thinking the time when he showed him the way to discard the fate.

**_That so-called fate..._ **

**_If you just dump it for good, that would help._ **

_You have done it….you have actually managed to show everyone, me, that you are no longer that immature Dong-so whom I once knew._

****

_All you action appear in the new light, why you want to kill that hat-bat man is beyond my comprehension, even knowing that with his position he can slit your throat… but at least it put us behind bars, and gave me some space to argue with you…. But you….you have changed Woo-na… what have you done that you are even avoiding my eyes… have our friendship tainted to this extend? Have you committed wrong action this much?...it is pissing me off…. Your silence, your openly denouncing our friendship… or was that nothing to you from the beginning? But I am not going to give up on you… it will put me at ease?? What kind of rubbish you are spouting? This is giving me hope; you want me to discard this as well? You have really gone out of your mind with your league but I am not… I won’t… so help me god._

****

**_Friendship and all that..._ **

**_Were erased a long time ago.’_ **

_Staring intently at my hand, avoiding your penetrating glance, I am scared that you will get the glimpse of my black soul… you are my last home, I don’t know I can tolerate the demolishment of my last home as well or not. But you never cease to amaze me…sorry??? You are apologizing to me? God sometimes I really wish to beat you senseless, to put some senses into you, to show you that there are some real evils like me surrounding this world  but I don’t think it will be much helpful. You are living in the world that you have created with your own hands..where everyone is happy, where no evil exists, where I am still a saint Yeo Un….that Yeo Un no longer exists Dong-so-ya, he has died with his role in your warrior camp. I am an assassin. Your plea to not give up to the fate is really revolting me now….tearing me apart…. Let me belong to some place of my own… I don’t belong to the neither world because of you, not yours because of me, not Heuksa Chorang because of you, you are holding on to me, never giving up… put both of us at ease… relieve me of this turmoil, let me go._

****

**_Do not die._ **

**_Don't you have to die by my hands?_ **

_Hearing these words of adieu, the sentiment…the meaning behind this threat are totally opposite of what you had said in person…”don’t die, please take care of yourself, you are not alone, you can always count on me.” Now I can understand what Chun had said that when I wanted to kill myself._

**_…You can't take your own life._ **

**_This is the life of an assassin._ **

_Now I want to die but I cannot… I am not free… how can I be freed of this guilt, my eternal bond with you, free of the sins that I have committed, free of my responsibilities of my guild, my burdens…. free of you… what should I do Dong-so-ya… this web is suffocating me… creeping over my whole body…now I want to leave it behind but this is not leaving me. Being an assassin, I have to shoulder these burdens_

****

_Does this killing star really exist?? Sometimes I thought the same, and that sometimes always occurred after meeting with you Dong-so-ya and now sky lord, Chun, just confessed it … Accept it that the killing start that I had thought was dominating my life did not exist in the first place. Does that make any sense? **My father, on account of a nonexistent killer star, lost his life,** killed my mother **. My father's death was a punishment not to be erased as I thought my whole life that killer star killed my father,** not me but now if that killer start does not exist then what that make me into? **To make that killer star fate disappear, I did all I could to escape it.  You say: “Do you want to blame me for all this?’ But can I do that…To blame you for all this,** I wish I could but **I have come too far for that. As there is no going back, If I can break off from the past, that will do** perhaps. But I need to **become the Sky Lord now.**_

****

_**“Am I becoming a monster even to your eyes?”** …_

He asks his second arm in desperation, afraid of hearing her affirmation in reply…

_“ **If it hurts you so much, you should just let it go”**_

**_…. what on earth is this destiny anyway?_ **

**** _Telling me the same as you but I know I have become a monster…there is no going back now….I who had taken up the task of killing Prince of Joesen, who had dared to kill his nation future had no doubt become a monster, who is killing people without any specific reason, mercilessly, who is shedding blood without any remorse…what that make me into? Chun who once scared me, now my own self scared me….scaring me to death….. but is there someone to save my soul? Dong-so-ya even if I want to repent now, can it cleanse my bloodshed past? It cannot…. I have to become the sky lord… to at least govern the palace of shadow so it may not eclipse the palace of light… to overshadow it…and to you too…no hovering over two worlds, once that I thought my fate has chosen for me, now I had accepted it, wholeheartedly._

****

**_Now Dong Su, you are Joseon's best swordsman._ **

**_Therefore, I will become Joseon's best assassin._ **

**_I must first surmount this position._ **

**_The next one will be you, Dong Su._ **

Expressionless, like walking corpse, He leave to embrace the path open in front of him, a path of hell.

_I fight with the present Sky lord, defeat him, but with him, I kills that killing star, the position of sky lord….and soon it will be Heuksa Chorang…with each blow that I lash upon him I vow to myselfThat **I won't hide** this nature of mine that want to love and be loved in return. Once he asked me **the difference between an assassin and a martial artist?** I have an answer now **but If it's something only obtainable by blood, I'll take it** not, not even in exchange of this whole world, **The only thing that I have left is… the life of an assassin that** I will take up to protect those who are valued to me. **I won’t follow the footsteps of my fate** …of my predecessors, **I won't follow it…**_

**_I'm no longer an assassin._ **

**_I will forsake the path as an assassin._ **

**_I'll forsake it all._ **

**_Dong Su._ **

****

**_The gambling house's challenger is actually Sword Saint's disciple,_ **

**_This really is a mismatch._ **

**_..The opponent is too weak, there is no meaning._ **

**_So, you want to go down and compete?_ **

_Though I was expecting it but hearing it out actually threw me off guard for a moment. To fight with you again?... am I really excited? It seems like a lifetime since we fought our silly fake fights, where each times I won, but now I have doubts it would be that same._

****

**_So, Who do want to bet on to win?_ **

**_…I know both of their martial arts._ **

**_…I bet on Baek Dong Su wining._ **

**_Really? Then I will just..._ **

_I should have known him better by now…My blood is freezing and here that bastard has the nerve to call it a play, I will make your life a living hell million times more for what you have done._ Showing his feelings was just as showing his vulnerable point and presenting him it in a tray as a present to that bastard so he remained seated, watching his friend being drugged, being dragged to the point of death, thinking a way to stop this duel, finally he got a chance and threw a coin discreetly, using his one of many martial arts skill, and successfully break the sand glass clock, ending the match on draw.

**_You did it, right?_ **

**_What are you saying?_ **

_Playing dumb contains this fun, I did not know before._ Internally he was rejoicing, externally he was calm as sea, afraid of taking a breath of relief.

Unable to stop himself, instead of following the Commander of war, He goes to see Dong-so. _It was such a long time I made my way towards the house, an only place which I could call home, because of Dong-so. I knew,_ he knew no matter what, there would be always that one person to welcome him back, other never mattered to him much, what important was Dong-so..He was planning to just sneak and go back but catch red handed by Jin ji who misunderstood his visit and threaten him, making him disclose the affection he was holding in his cold exterior for his blood sworn brother, his friend, a source of hope, his only home.

**_You and I are exactly the same._ **

**_Baek Dong Su, has always been my friend._ **

_I left, saying this, right away, confessing it was that difficult I had never imagined, too busy in my own cloud-cuckoo-land that what humans felt and how they act upon it in reality utterly escaped by my sharp eyes._

 

**_Baek Dong Su!!!_ **

**_Why do you cause trouble every time you appear?_ **

**_…Then, what you mean is...to turn a blind eye to their evil doings?_ **

**_I beg you._ **

_What I want to do is to go and wring the neck of the Commander of war. My mind is full of ambiguous thought and your presence right now is only making it more complicated, I cannot let them find out where my loyalty lies, and in your presence, exposure of this contains ninety-nine percent chances._ Commander of war has already started planting doubts and he wanted to remove them, at least as long as he could destroy him completely. Making alias with Dong-so could put his life in jeopardy and that he could not let happen. Dissembling him from his intent was as hard as moving a mountain, that’s why when he left on his request, his own façade jostled in disbelief.

 

**_Is that why you promised to kill me?_ **

**_Yes, the only way for me to give up on you is for you to kill me._ **

He touches his right shoulder, where he has patted him not too long ago, an affectionate gesture which he had received for the first time in his whole infertile life, and repeats his words that he misunderstood after overhearing the conversation between him and commander of war, which was just a charade on his part. Knowing that the seed of distrust has been planted, before it ripe in bud, he wanted to disclose his intention, his motives, his loyalty…..t _o you Dong-so…but you have misunderstood my words…_ he recalls his conversation with the queen.

**_Bring me the head of Sword Saint's apprentice, Baek Dong Su._ **

**_…Is there a reason that you want his head?_ **

**_Does an assassin need a reason?_ **

**_..Among many people, you have chosen one man that I cannot kill._ **

_Dong-so-ya…it is all moving according to my plan, please don’t get too much in this dark valley, wait for me a little, I will come around, I promise I will._

**_Is it Un?_ **

**_Un... Thank you._ **

**_…I didn't want to hear that._ **

**_No, thank you for coming back to_ **

**_your old self._ **

**_…I'll go look for Hong Sa Yi who ran away from the palace._ **

**_You pursue Commander of war._ **

**_Wrap this up._ **

**_…Ok.…Un..._ **

**_…Sorry for suspecting you even for a second._ **

_Thought I had to leave, but even without glancing back, even without seeing your face, I knew what your were feeling at the moment, after all I was feeling the same. The jubilant feelings are spreading in my body, in the case of you, it is moving out of your body as well…._ He smiles on his theory _…._ He knew Dong-so might be jumping up and down in happiness that he was coming back…. Finally…

**_Are you really going to kill me?_ **

**_…Un!_ **

**_Cho Rip, reported to have me killed._ **

**_Dong Su, you swore to His Highness, to kill me._ **

**_….Un! That..._ **

**_I just went to see His Highness._ **

**_…What?_ **

**_His Highness gave me a chance to atone for my crimes._ **

**_…That's really fortunate!_ **

**_I will immediately dissolve Heuksa Chorong,_ **

**_and will also leave far away._ **

**_…Leave?_ **

**_What are you talking about?_ **

**_Didn't we say we were going to live together, the three of us?_ **

**_…How can we live together?_ **

**_I will leave here._ **

**_To a place with no people._ **

**_A place that's very far._ **

**_Don't come find me._ **

**_….Hey, Un! Un!_ **

****

_I don’t want to go away but shutting my ears from the voice, pushing it out, putting into a deep corner of my heart, I leave.  Even though every pulse, every organ, every limb of my body is shouting in protest but I am leaving… I won’t look back… your sainted world would be tainted by my filthy presence, I cannot let it be affected, sorry Baek Dong-so …. It needs to be ended like that….the bond of us should be ended now…right here. Goodbye Dong-so-ya…I pray we meet again, somewhere in this world or the next one, in peaceful circumstances so that I could explain you my situation, the upheavals I has been went through since my birth…I wish I could have a second chance to tell you all this…to spend with you… I pray we could have another chance….I pray._

****

**_Please, don't let anything happen,_ **

**_Stop!_ **

**_Cho Rip, Cho Rip._ **

****

**_Don't touch me!_ **

**_Don't you understand?_ **

**_As long as you exist, they_ **

**_won't ever disappear._ **

**_As long as you exist,_ **

**_no matter if it is His Highness or_ **

**_Dong Su,_ **

**_no one is safe._ **

**_Un, you..._ **

**_It's because of you._ **

****

_Cho Rip was right.. it was all because of me…. My lethal presence in Dong-so‘s life will only put his life in jeopardy… Cho-rip has already become the prey of my past, how much time it will take it to makes it’s way towards Dong-so?_ He straightens up, seeing Dong-so running towards him…. _It has finally come to this._

_I had, first time in my whole life, prayed for some time, but seeing the turn of events, I knew it is fruitless… now I only wish to leave this world without shaking you resolution._ But in this rare moment he could not refrain himself from voicing his feelings.

**_For a moment,_ **

**_For just a brief moment I also thought like that,_ **

**_And believed it. It was only an illusion of my wishful thinking._ **

**_I am only an assassin._ **

_It has been decided, I need to leave this world…. My time has been over. Sorry Dong-so ya and thank you for not giving up on me….all this time you were the only reason, only cause that restrained me from embracing the dark world…. Thanks as because of you I did not give up on myself….. thanks that because of you I could see a little goodness in me, even if it was for just a short time, at least I could see. Thanks that because of you I have few years of carefree life…  it is time to tell you at least this much;_

****

**_My... only safe refuge,_ **

**_was you, Dong Su...,_ **

**_I thought that for as long as I could_ **

**_be together with you,_ **

**_I could live under the sun._ **

**_At least I experience this bit of_ **

**_That is enough._ **

**_^Thank you, Dong Su.^_ **

****

_And though it was painful, a way too painful, It will be ended soon… this thought is really comforting me… let me go now._

****

**_Un... Un._ **

**_Since the past, If I wanted to die by_ **

**_someone's hand._ **

**_That is to die by your hands, Dong Su._ **

**_…You can still live._ **

**_….Un you..._ **

**_Until I reach the underworld,_ **

**_to His Highness, to Sword Saint,_ **

**_I'll get on my knees and bow deeply._ **

**_Don't be hurt your whole life for a fellow like me._ **

**_Thank you! Dong Su!_ **

****

_From distant I can hear some yelling, begging, crying but like my soul this voice is also fading away, eventually, engulfing me into darkness, a blissful sleep._

**………………………………………..**

 

“Seungha!!!! Seungha!!!!”

_Someone is waking me up_

“Seungha!!!! Wake up son, why are you sleeping here?”

_Who is Seungha?_

He tentatively opens his one eye to look up the person fretting over him. _Who is she? Is she a new member of Heuksa Chorang?_

“What is wrong son?”

_Son? Oh… I have died….so she is my mother? My mother…._

_“Omma”_ he asks that lady, hopefully.

“Yes son?”

_Omma_ … he hugs her tightly, in amalgamation of disbelief and relief, afraid of letting her go all the same.

“What happened? You alright? Did you have your dreams again?”

_Dreams? Which dreams? He looks at her in question._

“You are sleeping on floor Seungha….”

_Floor?_ He looks at the floor then around him.

“On my God…what have you done with Chang’s diary?”

_Diary? Chang?_ And then all rushed back to him,  he let his mind check his mental state… _who are your??? I am Yoo Seungh ho…. Where are you? I am at home… who is this person before you? She is my mother…. What you want? Right now I want to get the hell away from this room, away of my mom’s penetrating eyes….desire rejected, open your eyes, face the reality…. I know I have to…_

“Seungha!!! Seungha…..”

“Its Yeo Un Omma”… he stands up from the carpet, cramps all over his body because of his night vigil and then sleeping on hard floor, feet inactive, he walks limply towards the washroom.

“Who is Yeo Un?”

“The person who died last night.” He replied offhandedly, throwing his shirt.

_“Ayy??”_ She looks at him incredulously.

“I am not mad Omma…” he turns to look at her, smiling…. _I have a nerve to smile on my own death, unbelievable. ”…_ he died last night, and even though he was me and I am him….but are not I still alive?

She nods, mechanically

“That’s all matter then”…. He pecks her on cheek and goes to take shower… in a new ardor, everything was crystal clear now…. Just like his reflection on the mirror in front of him….showing the traces of tears that no doubt he shed last night on his own death…

_I know I should mourn a little more over my death, I should show a little more remorse but have not you accepted my pray… is this your way of showing that I have atoned my past deed?  That I deserved a life again, dreams matter aside…_ he talked to the god in his heart _…. Thanks for giving me this chance….thanks for honouring my desire…thank you god._

**_………………………….._ **

 

His days were passing one after another in peace, there was no dream to wake him up at night, no voices to jolt his world of reality, no vision to make him test his sanity….everything has been resolved automatically….everything…. after spending a whole night with Yeo Un, everything got back to its place….

 

Chang’s diary was still with him… not up to send it, a proof of their bond, he just kept it with him…waiting patiently for its owner to return and get it on his own… after all, as compare to four centuries and twenty years of this life,  how much longer that wait could be?….. and if he won’t come within this year…New York is not that far away.

 

  ** _………………………….._**

 

“Omma what is in dinner, I am famished.”

“....You better not let him go again”...she puts up her finger, indicating him to be silent....”I can see how happy you are, yeah of course. I will see you tomorrow then.”

“What you ladies are planning this time?” Seungha looks into fridge to find something to eat.

''I have suggested her to confiscate his passport....”

Seungha stops in midway, hand forward towards apple. His whole body gets still in anticipation.

“....so he won't leave her again.''

“Chang is back?” he asks tentatively, afraid of the answer already, scared of hearing ‘no’.

''Yup...they just reached home and Hye......''

But what Hye In was saying he did not get to hear as he has already stepped over the threshold of his home, running to meet him.

_He is back_

_He is back_

_…..tha-e-nida_


	13. Tears & Tearing...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”  
> —Maya Angelou

''Chang!! Chang!! Chang!! Here''  
He glanced towards the source of this ruckus.  
''Imo!!!'' a jubilant smile breaks on his face, seeing the face of Hye In who was beaming from ear to ear.  
''Chang!!!...'' she gives him a bear hug, smothering him in process.  
''I miss you too Imo.” Chang tries to dissuade her enthusiasm, hoarsely, to escape from her deadly headlock. She kisses him nosily on his face, much to his mortification, so buying him some leeway, he instantly put some appropriate distance between them by taking both her arms in his hands…”wow…. You have slimmed down, got prettier in just few days…” but that brings on the opposite result as his aunt suddenly, out of nowhere, whack him and reprimands him right there, ignoring the amused glances of passersby.   
“You try to leave again and I will just bash you head.”  
“Oh….alright.. alright but Imo let’s move from here, I am hungry, je-bal put some food in me first.” He puts on his most innocent face that he had inherited from his father.  
“My poor baby… “She moves forward towards him again, but, alarmed, he puts up his hand in defense and begs.  
“Imo…. Let me leave with some grace please.” Seeing around him observantly, acting like a well-known icon on whom mob will fawn over the minute his disguise exposes.  
“Ye algaes-umnida” she grabs his arm and drags him out of airport, closing her ears to his yelling.

He left with his mind full of worries about his father but now that it had turned out a false alarm, he had returned to his prior qualms, to that last path named Seungha aka Woo-na. He could feel the adrenaline rushing over his whole body, making him impatient with each passing moment. The way from airport to Hye In’s home was stretching like elastic, and he run fingers through his hair in nervousness…in edginess.  
‘Now that I know everything how I am going to break this news to you??.... He imagines telling him, an act with which he was excessively familiar currently, a performance that has been giving audition for all the time back in New York and now;   
Hey, have you recognized me? I am your old buddy…  
Old? How old?  
Just three centuries old….  
Fullstops….

He knows what the outcome would be… that’s what was damping his spirit, that’s what was stopping him to run to him the moment he set foot in Korea again.  
“You got your diary back?” Hye In’s voice brings him back to the car moving towards their home.  
“Which diary?” he asks   
“Your diary that you left behind…” omo..omo…..omo, omo, omo, “…Yoo Seung ho did not send you?...” He has it? “…he said he would…” oh my gosh….   
All other thought jumps out of the window as another problem surfaces to create havoc. 

Seungha has his diary…   
Diary has his secret  
Secret of dreams  
That see him in discreet …

He was on the verge of plucking his hairs out of his skull, of all people did you really have to end up in his hands….he longingly talks to his diary, that might had no doubt disclosed his treasured secret by now….traitor…He did not want it to be revealed in such manners, like him he wanted him to get to this truth on his own but now, knowing Seungha he might have burnt it, or threw it in Han river, or buried it in package under package in the earth. His mind refuses to even take comfort in thinking that he might have got his memories back and would be waiting for him impatiently, counting days on his fingers…. Hah…in my dreams. It is too wistful to even think of. He sighs hopelessly.

…………

He was gobbling down food when Hye In returned, laughing.  
''Min So says I should confiscate your passport, where is it?'' she searches his pocket.  
“Aaawww...Imo stop.....I am ticklish..stop…sto…” Seungha might be informed of my arrival too...hands that were on Hye In’s hands restraining her fell limply on his side, staring his aunt blinding, his mind stuck to just one thought, making him uptight past comprehension. Scraping the chair behind, he stands up in frenzy and grabs his jacket to escape...to meet that hazardous bomb before it blast everything in its way coming to him.  
“Where are you going?”  
“For walk, ate too much, don't wait up...”  
He comes out hurriedly and crosses the boundary of their home in a leap… but then he suddenly stops in his mid stride, something makes him to stand his ground. He listen some footsteps, coming….no running. Someone was running to this way, not knowing what makes him to do it; he automatically backs off on his feet and hides in the dark corner of garden.

…………………………

He is back  
He is back  
He is finally back….yaahooo…

He frantically plus practically darts from his home to Hye In’s doorway. His mind automatically gets rid of any other thought, making room for just one ….that he is back…. He knew he would come back sooner or later, after going through his diary, it was apparent that he had yet to solve the mystery that he had resolved, thanks to his diary but he had returned within that month and that was wobbling his world, waves of joy after joy wash over him, making him act like a lunatic or like a lover. Raking his fingers through his hair, he smiles bashfully…crossing the path in a minute or was that a second, in his feverish state to meet him, he could have even jumped from a cliff….oh but does not that matches with Dong so’s character much better. He instantly mention, relishing secretly that he has actually managed to remember that particular piece. 

A part of him knew that he is sounding crazy as their last meeting was not too long past, just a fortnight ago, no….sixteen days, nine hours and forty minutes ago… he ditches his build in calculator and gauge the duration himself and yet he was here, acting like it had been years or centuries since he met him….. of course it has been centuries…..three centuries and twelve years… even in his hysterical state, he never forgets to scrutinize the situation. And the person whom I met days back was not Dong so…..he was not Baek Dong so then, he was Chang or maybe somewhere in the corner of my mind I knew who he was but afraid of accepting that, but now there was no such terror, even thinking about that time is making him unable to understand..of what I have been afraid of? Mind thinking but physically keep on running to met him…..his mate…his comrade… his only friend, even after centuries apart it was like no time past between them, it was just like how he felt back whenever he had chance to meet him after joining Heuksa Chorang. 

Finally he reaches his destination. Panting hard, he bent down facing the earth full of dry leaves, hands on his knees, breathing irregular, sweat pouring down from his forehead. He tries to control the pounding of his heart, one thing at a time but as his breathing gets slow, senses rush back to him in tow… the mind who was dancing just a moment ago starts pestering him.

What are you doing here?  
What are you going to say to him?  
It does not like he has recognized you…  
How are you going to explain this situation?  
Neo-micheo-seo? 

He silently gaze at the door, remembering the time when he came to meet him after the duel club incident… when he just stood there, gazing the door longingly, minutes passed by discretely but he left quietly without meeting him… time was repeating itself… he was unable to get past these barrier then and he was still in the same position…look like I have to do that again Dong so-ya. Helplessly, he turns to leave but suddenly a voice booms in the silence, coming out of the dark corner…

“Long time no see.”  
…………………………..

He didn’t even think, not even dreamed of that…. Of all people who could have rushed to meet him in eagerness, Seungha was the last people whom he could count to….not even count to, it was like hell froze over. He looks at him in disbelief, openly dumbfounded. He sees how he gets there, how he just stands there looking at Hye In’s door, thinking pensively, and then sighs in resign, maybe deciding to run again…Not now…..no more.

“Long time no see.”

Afraid of missing him again, words automatically flow out of his mouth, abandoning his hidden corner, revealing himself to the person whose face gets a noticeable shock that was visible even in the minute light of garden. Whose face changes three shades from pale to white and white to crimson in a matter of time, a shade that bestows upon someone who is being caught red handed doing something prohibited. 

“Ye oren-mani-da.” Seungha replies, avoiding his penetrating glance, alarming Chang more. The single conclusion that he could come off was his diary….has he read it? Maybe he is taking him for a weirdo now after reading his diary. Na uh-dduk-hae?

“Did you bring it along? Asking him bluntly, kicking the butts of excuses aside.  
“What?” Seungha looks at him in question.  
“My diary… Imo said it was in your possession now.” He stares at his face without blinking his eyes, afraid of even missing a flicker.  
“Oh yeah. Yeah....yeah.”  
“You didn't send it.”  
“Oh, yeah.... Mian-he, I got busy.”

“Gwenchana. I was going to throw it anyway, jumbles of thought, badly written.”  
“No, you shouldn’t..It was goo…..” praising him nonchalantly, that realization came upon him later that he has actually confirmed his worst fears, stopping in mid sentence. He glances back at him in panic who was caught off guard as well. “I didn’t mean to read it…..honestly….” he pleads guilty right away in the court just like he had promised to his conscious…”It’s just…..” not finding any word in his defense, he just shrugs… looking at him nervously. 

“But you end up reading it anyway…” He looks at him pointedly… as reality crashed down on him, making him realize that he was not alone who had stepped over the boundary of darkness. He knows… He knows everything…..ask him…ask him….don’t let him get away…ask him.. Ignoring the shrieking voices of his instincts, he asks him. 

“Coming inside?  
“No, I will take my leave now…I didn’t tell Omma where I was going.” He acts up to his usual self dropping all social propriety and turns on his heels briskly.   
Seeing him walking away, matching perfectly with the grace of someone he was once as intimate as with own self…unable to hold back, he utters whatever comes first in his mind, shooting an arrow in the pit of darkness.

“It all over.  
You can come back now.”

To his astonishment, his blindly shot arrow actually meets his target as Seungha halts on his feet visibly stunned, fingers clenched in the palm, making fist tight like a ball, confirming his suspicions. Chang feels like giving a victory dance as relief in torrents rushes over him…finally…but seeing him fighting with his self, sticking to his ground motionless, that desire mechanically dies down in him. The chaotic state he was in finally calm down and words flow out tenderly directing towards that immobile sculpture. 

“Woo-na!!!”

Seungha’s body gets a memorable jolt hearing his dub from a much too familiar source but with that pangs of wretchedness engulfs his whole body to silhouette. He turns a little on his feet and looks at him despondently, trying his hardest to façade his face but anguish breaking the cold barricade walls finally emerge out on his face reacting to his very next words.

“Why are you doing this?  
Why, when everything is over?”

It was like the time has walked backward on its footsteps, and they were back in the middle of that open pale green field, on that eerie… next to Armageddon day that have been haunting them for centuries. Where everything, inanimate to human, was in anguish, taking up the role of chorus; wind blows furiously, shrubberies holding up its breath and sun on its peak, daring them, scorning them, knowing the outcome already... 

It's all over already. So why on earth did you do that?

For a moment,  
For just a brief moment  
I also thought like that, and believed it.  
It was only an illusion of my wishful thinking.  
I am only an assassin.

How far do you want to go in the end?

Baek Dong So.  
What exactly do you want of me?  
I am an assassin, Heuksa Chorong's leader.  
An enemy of this country, Joseon.

Woo-na you, even if you didn't care about fate,  
Even if you hadn't become an assassin or something like that,  
Would you still have become like this?

Well then...  
What expectations do you have for me?  
What exactly do you want me to do?

“Come back...is it too much to ask for?”

Dong so words, altering the history, forcing it to write a new course at the expense of him, bring them back to reality, where there was no open field, no fuming wind; no scorching sun but just two of them, under the dull moonlight, embracing the dead of winter and a grave silence, too quiet for any human, and above them their fate smiling upon them, welcoming them, granting them another opportunity to carve something anew….a final chance, indeed.

“Is it that hard? It could have ended differently...Woo-na.” His words lacing with his legendary compassion lashes out on him like a whip.   
“Could it? If there was another way then you should have shown me.” He bites back, bitter with everything, his own self, with the person in front him whose kindness knows no limits.  
“Like you gave me a chance...” Baek Dong so bellows on the top of his lungs, uncaring of the time, his surroundings, his Imo, all that matter to him at that moment.. or was it always… that person who was still as immovable, as intractable, as willful as back in their past.

Yeo Un couldn't reply, a tear breaking free from its confinement streams down on his face, silently begging the man before him to understand his decision, the circumstances that forces him to act upon that final feat of his. 

“Why did you do that?” His words simmer again, closing his eyes to his mute request “…I need a ground reason Yeo Un!!”

Hearing his full name did act like an enchantment, “Then what should have I done? Ha….You tell me..” anger flows out, thawing his frosty interior”…as God is my witness, I tried to return, as much as you wanted me to return, I tried to move my chained feet too…but had I succeeded?...no I had not… I couldn’t…..I could not defeat Skylord, but when I could it was too late….I knew it was too late now…” tears flow down on his cheeks, throwing aside the emotionless person who he was once, he wanted to be honest now, he was bestowed with a chance and he needed to cherish it “….I tried to leave quietly, I was blockaded. What other opt I had back than embracing death?”

“Did not you have me?” Dong so’s voice breaks down…”Did I really meant nothing to you?” eyes glittering, face red, scratching the old scars, he asks him the question which he was too afraid, too dejected to turn into words. 

Yeo Un could not reply. Brutally rubbing a hand over his wet face, he averts his face, stares into nothingness. After a while, his voice cracks into the silence…“Sword saint once said ‘Fate is something that needs to be established all by yourself’ and I failed in it irrevocably. I apologize if I could not bring that battered person back to you.” 

“Why you had so little faith in me? Why you had so little trust in our friendship? Why you have accepted that you were the epitome of evilness? Why?” Everything pilling up inside him until now, storing over years or centuries, storms out in a rush.   
He smiles ruthlessly...''That is why it became more necessary.''

''What? Leaving me?'' He stares him incredulity, not believing in his ears. 

''The position you were at, taking my side would had put you in dangerous position. A person like me doesn’t deserve to quake it, I am not worthy of this Dong so-ya. You life should not be clogged because of a person like me”

“Don’t say like it was for me…..” words trip over his tongue, losing the customary fierceness that should be attached with it as a chill moves over his body. The distance between them that just a moment ago he thought they were covering at last was stretching over centuries again. With his piercing tongue, each passing moment was putting them as far as two opposite poles on earth. 

“…You were royal guard, and I was an assassin...how do you think we could be together? Do you think the society could digest it? You were meant to kill me, and I was meant to die….we both acted on our parts and that was the end of our story….sad perhaps… but that was the fated end” A bile rose on his mouth over his own nasty beyond revival expression.

Dong so laughs bitterly heaven upward, “Here comes that bullshit Fate again” but the look that was directed to him was gentle, glittering in moonlight like a firefly, breaching into his cold profile“…as much as it may disappoint you but a society like that can go to hell for all I care.” He moves towards him cautiously, reducing the distance between them“…A society that can’t accept you, that cannot accept us, haven’t it ever come to you that I give damn about that kind of Joseon? That I can leave that society as well and at any time?

“That's what makes me to put an end to those us.” He callously remarks back.

Dong so hand shots out to strike him…to beat that fool in front of him but the hand that moved to hit him ended up grabbing him around his collar, pulling his cold body akin to his words to him in a fierce hug, offering him his warmth. ‘‘keu-man-hae…it won’t deceive me again.” Yeo Un goes all taut, rejecting it ruthlessly“…Didn’t you ever think the consequence? If I mattered to you that much then why didn’t you save yourself who mattered to me alike? Huh?'' 

It was like they were back in that wooden Jail, captured by Minister of war when instead of beating the crap out of him, Dong so apologized to him for being heartless, for not understanding him. He has not changed, whether it was this life or that, they were truly like yin and yang, fitting each other miraculously, where if one is fire then other must be water, if one is wind then other is earth, if one is wrong then other is right, if one is angry like a bull then other must be calm as sea, if one is spouting nonsense then other must be resonated… Dong so’s persistence was succeeding in breaching his resolve… like he wanted to do it anymore……no more.

''Can I apologize now?'' hoarsely, he drapes his arm upward back to his neck, holding on to him like a person catching at straw, accepting what he has been offering for centuries, ultimately. The bridge holding his posture breaks down altogether, letting all the water come out in flood, washing his inside out.

''I won't... I won't ever forgive you....'' clutching him tightly to his body, to ward off the pain his words has caused… now… before… each time. They stay like that, marveling in each other’s presence, letting their emotion loose, getting over the anguish as the clouds of woes finally pass away. They were not on different poles now, neither on opposite sides, they were together and that was all mattered to them right now.

“I wanted to come, hell I even sold that prized sword of assassin within the week of my stay with you guys, I wanted to come right away but I couldn’t, you think I didn’t try? I tried and failed again and again, I couldn’t win against Skylord, and how I could return after committing such..so many hideous crime. It was too late anyway but even if I could redeem all the crime I had committed, I couldn’t do with patricide.” Past stumbles from Yeo Un sprinting, uncontrollably… 

“That empty spot besides me was always mocking me, it remained here even after you di…..your departure.” Dong so couldn’t articulate the word died. “…it remained here, citing me, taunting me that I couldn’t protect you, I couldn’t fulfill my promise to you, do you know that?” 

“Sorry….that’s all I can say.” He was crushing down under the burden of his wrongdoings to him….to only person in his life he could dare to call family.

“It was suffocating me. My whole life, it felt as if I would smother with thoughts of you. No matter how much I say bad stuff about you; no matter how much I tried to justify my position or hate you…I failed. I tried to erase you from my memories, but I couldn’t, as time went by, I left it as it was, I surrendered, I had to live with that guilt and I lived. Every time I breathed, every time I closed my eyes I was living with your memories. It was okay if you were a little late, you just had to come back but you left for the place where even my determination or stubbornness could not bring you back, do you know how hard that was?”

Yeo Un let him speak. He knew what he did was wrong, out of question. He can’t change it now but he could make sure at least that anything like that won’t happen again…he silently vows to himself but on surface, he tightens his hold on him in reply. Words cannot soothe the pain he caused that man, his action can and that he cannot do now, only time will allow him to do so and he was counting on it.

The one that I can't describe with any words  
The one who gives me hope to live on  
The one who makes me smile  
The one that I could draw only with painful tears  
But also the one I cannot erase  
Even if I really want, even if really hope  
The one I can only watch faraway.

Even though you won't leave me if I tell you not to leave  
I swallow you until my throat is sore  
I bury you in my fallen heart  
No matter how hard I hide it and try to erase it  
The one that can only become tears

Crying in pain, I hope I'm the only one crying in pain  
Even if I swallow that sun  
It has to be you, I won't let go of you again

Chang had finally calmed down after emptying himself of all the complaining he had been storing all this time to break to him and Seungha not knowing what to do, weep like a crazy or dance like a lunatic, in the end he just smiles gratefully. His feelings were in a great turbulent, taking him to the point of ecstasy, jostling his body. He was with Baek dong so, Ji Chang Wook, he corrects himself ….and he had forgiven him, he was with him, holding on to him like a treasure. I am still as precious to him as before. It was all so unbelievable that he was ready to accept it as a dream. Is it real or am I dreaming?  
''It is real'' Chang replies to his unspoken question, smiling himself….and then tickling him wildly to make it easy for him to accept it.

“Stop….stop…stop.” Seungha wretches himself free from him but stays within his reach, breaking away but not far from his range too. For the first time in his life, he had the tears of mirth in his eyes, all thanks to the person in front of him. Finally their laughter subsides, calming them and slowly, discreetly senses make their way towards them but they ditch it together. They were not in mood of joining their present world now, they have still a lot to cover from their past one, and without cleansing the soil how can they put new seed into it. To think of starting anew was still alien to them. 

Chang looks at Seungha in an obvious fondness who was looking around them, all vigilant, acting up to his old self no doubt “Why? Are you looking for your guild coming out any moment and catching us on the charge of meeting like lovers?” he teases him with mischievous eyes. 

Seungha hits on his shoulder playfully in response; his laugh, full of life and zeal echoes into the quiet night, bouncing around them, making it seem real at every passing moment. Seeing him expressing amusement wholeheartedly, a nail pinches out of Chang’s heart about which existence was not he even aware of but now that it has been lifted up he could feel how lighthearted he was feeling after its removal. His left hand moves on his own accord toward Seungha’s face, patting it affectionately. 

An action that stuns Seungha profoundly, bringing up a life changing memory of his childhood. The same face where centuries ago, Cheon had patted with the same affection, and he starving for love, a fatherly acknowledgement had got ready to follow him to Heuksa Chorang, even meekly received the title of an assassin. It was the first display of warmth that he had ever received from someone in his wretched life but right now, with Chang's patting his face affectionately and his eyes glowing in a visible tranquil and pride, he was capable of distinguishing between that invisible line now that was beyond his comprehension back then to his innocent eye, an invisible line of motive and care. Basking in the light of those two hazel eyes, he could feel that distinctive difference between those two similar display of concern but that had changed the course of his life on different level, one intensity to another. One took him to darkness and the other finally managed to drag him away from it to light. He smiles remembering it.

“It is nice to see you laugh.” Chang’s voices his thought honestly, one moment holding his face and the next hugging him again to his side, It was a relief that he was unable to express, a relief of finding him alive, standing, walking, talking, laughing. He thinks of walking down, leaving the garden of Hye In, in case she comes out but the day when Yeo Un died on that same position appears vividly before his eyes and he dumps the very idea again, “Do you know….?”

“This is the same side where I took my last breath.” Seungha completes his sentence but regrets instantly when Chang’s arm tightens in reflex around him 

“….Mian-he, it was tactless of me.” 

“No problem, It is not like I can kill you for that, I will bear it.” 

Chang’s slowly moves away from him. The spell was broken. They were back to reality, after a long and painful expedition of their past, they were back to reality but their past at hand, what happened back then was written, it was in their fate or was that the surrendering of one soul, in Present he did not want to waste it over petty matters, though they have a whole life ahead of them to fret over it. Thinking that, Chang puts everything on hold, grabs Seungha’s hand and moves out of Hye In’s garden.

“We have whole life to talk about that but I want to start now.”  
“Are not you tired? From your journey?”   
“I didn’t come walking all the way.”  
“What was the emergency situation?”  
“You thought I left for good?  
“For a moment.”   
“ Leaving you behind? Fat chance. Sa Mu fell so I had to go.”  
“Fell? From where?”  
“He fell from his bed…now don’t ask to where.. to floor obviously.”  
“Ay?” Seungha looks at him in astonishment who was trying to keep his face straight.  
“He was missing me dumbass. Unlike someone, there are few who miss me.”  
“Ooh.”  
“Are not you going to talk?”  
“Then what I am doing right now?  
“Oh...ah...ay…my cat can produce better sound than you.”  
“You have cat?”  
“Ahni… it was just an example.”

Their bickering moves around like a gush of fresh wind. A night on its end but two men walking, unconcerned of the time, one fighting, other dodging, making a brilliant sight for moon that yawns widely and finally closes his eyes in peace.


	14. Epilogue

“Do you think Cho rip is reincarnated too, somewhere, like us?”  
“I wish he could. “  
“So I may kill him for good.”  
“So I may get rid of him again.”  
Laughter erupts out from both in a whoosh as they again wind up saying the same thing in different expression simultaneously. Seungha is, as usual, first one to recover and responses seriously.  
“No… I think I will have to thank him for letting me have another chance….a carefree life.”  
Dong so, sober, looks at his tight features where the shadows of their past were still wandering, lingering over his serene face. He knew they would not leave that easily, these evil of their past life will haunt them forever but, at that moment, all he could do was to grab his shoulder firmly to stop him turning into his trademark impassiveness.  
“You dare to turn into Yeo Un, and by God I will beat you to pulp right here and feed you to homeless animals.”  
Seungha’s first reaction was a dumbfounded look on his fierceness and then the next he rolls on the grass in an uncontrolled mirth…third came later in the form of his humorous 'I am scared' expression.” Chang who was trying his hardest to keep his face straight eventually joins him, seeing his uncharacterized face….too change, too lighthearted, too relaxed from the face of his past. No matter how many times he witnesses him laughing, it still captivates him…making him returning the similar gesture.

Time passed by before them, minutes run by and seconds on bullet speed but the things that left unsaid before were still there, more or less. It has been days since of their discovery but still they were able to bring something innovative from the past to shed light and discuss over it furiously, berate or appreciate each other like the matter or action happened just yesterday or talked for hours about nothing in particular, sitting just like that, enjoying the tranquility of each other presence.

At that moment they were sitting on the lush grass out of the Suwan campus, after attending their last lecture on English Literature. It was time for Seungha to choose the field for his future… History and Literature that he has chosen to sort out his dreams was coming to its ends, besides in his opinion he has gained enough knowledge to write a series on it. Chang was not too discreet in following him…nowhere in hell, since their reconciliation, he thought of leaving him alone….he followed him from 17th century to 21st century and he was determined to keep up to this task, very gratefully not to mention.

Basking in the sun light, talking about their past, sharing the moments that went unnoticed by other, they were engrossed in their own personal world, as they still had a lot to talk….and right now they were on their sixth summer together.

“Do you know how much I felt envious of you? Beating you in every battle we fought, involuntary I was taking revenge for not born like you.”  
“And all that mattered to me at that age was to beat you at any cost if I be more profound.” Chang gives his opine, smiling bashfully “….but seriously all my plans meet with dusty earth thanks to your cockiness. You were not very cooperating back then you know?”  
Seungha taunts him playfully…”You should have tried harder then.”  
“Like I succeeded… even after years of self exile and tough to death practice I still came second best to you.” He replied derisively void of any resentment on his part, plucking the dry grass beneath him.  
Seungha tries to sees him thoughtfully….”But you succeeded in completing your entire tasks…. even killing the notorious Skylord.”  
“How many times I will have to clear……” Chang starts angrily but cut off in the mid.  
“Alright let’s suppose that you were not….”  
“What is there to suppose…I am telling you it was Cho-rip… Cho-rip … Cho-rip …and by God if I have to comprehend that one more time I will……”  
“Cho-rip sold me to Crown prince and you were given the task to remove that defile part.” Seungha continues on “…and I made it easy for you.” He concludes with a snide remark.  
“Easy?????? You call it easy???????” Chang roses on his feet furiously “…you made my remaining life a living hell for this very kind action of yours. No one gives up on himself. You were a part of me; you are a part of me. Not even in my wildest dream I could think of giving up on you though it seems tempting now.” Chang spites out, pacing around him, making him dizzy with his kicking and screaming into the thin air. Seungha thinks of butting in but then refrains. He falls on his back, hands folded under his neck, acknowledging with a secret smile, knowing it well enough but hearing it again and again from the other party that how much he meant to him… how much he means to him was nice….too nice actually.  
“…If a part of your body gets infected, you don’t cut it off, you cure it. You can’t hate it, you keep it with you even if it is disgusting to look at. You were that kind of infection back then and died without even giving me a chance to cure you.” He suddenly stops in his angry strides then sits beside him…  
“If I think of it in this way, it all makes sense. It is crystal clear why we have been given a chance to rebound. You died without opening yourself, spending your life to your fill and I died without acknowledging that part of your nature. We left unfinished business in our past life. We are lucky to have another chance to finish it.”  
His sincerity like always touched him, filled him with a relief. He smiles  
“What is this smile for?” Chang asks him crossly, smoke emitting from his ear.  
Seungha shrugs playfully and looks up at the sky. Soon they fell in a comfortable silence. He was relax, too relax that it has even started worrying him. Surprisingly his internal organ has stopped fighting and have they decided to give him some peace. Maybe they have sorted out their problems just like me.  
Chang was looking at passer-bys when Seungha’s voice demands his attention again.  
“Many times I have felt like I have done something really bad in my past life that is making my life miserable now, I tried to rejoice into small to big things but found myself scared, I was scared that all these happiness were just an illusion… that all of this would be taken away from me at some point….I think I have been waiting all my life in dread for that some point.”  
Seungha turns to his side, one hand supporting his head. “Walking up from a dream where someone is killing you or threatening to kill you…how does it feel like? I was scared from that guy…meeting with you, talking to you, I could find the traces of my dreams but in my fear of that man, I was rejecting you…. My heart was right all along. It is you….it is you…..my heart was shouting all the time in your presence…and see it turned out it was right…I think I should postpone my plan of transplanting it for this huge service.”  
“Transplanting? Do you have some problem with your heart?”  
Chang, unconsciously puts his hand on his own heart….looking at his like at any moment not he but his heart will reply him….Seungha starts laughing….  
“What?”  
“Nothing wrong with my heart… it is just…it does not go along well with my other internal buddies, for example my mind…”  
Chang looks at him attentively.  
“Does not it sound like coming from a mad person?”  
“Why would it… it is perfectly normal.”  
“Wah… I should have met you before…. Right now my mind is nodding feverishly on my previous statement, saying “Yes… have you just realized that you are mad?”  
Chang laughs….  
“As compares to my body parts you are more loyal, at least taking my side…”  
“It is not matter of taking sides, what you have said simply tells me the isolation you have been feeling since you childhood…. Keeping a safe distance from others, afraid of exposing the secrets of your recurring dreams, living within your own world, obviously you will be able to listen you organs…for example, if you have been sent to a jungle for years, sooner or later you will start picking up the moods of nature, the language of animals and birds…. Does it make you mad? Nope… rather it shows you intelligence. Besides, it shows your priority… Outer world is not your priority as much as it should be given by any human being… you live with yourself more than any living person…. On this matter you cannot be put at fault.”  
“When did you become this genius?” Seungha looks at him open mouthed.  
He tries to uphold the air of serenity a little more but seeing his expression, ends his charade for the sake of both.  
“Not really, it just in the company of dumb I end up shinning.” He makes a notion with his hand…. But then joins him in chuckling “…I know I am too cool for my own good.”  
But that cheekiness earned him a poke in his kidney.

  
“But it is really nice to actually live at last.” After a while Seungha speaks again. _Because I have you now_.  
 _Yes!!! You have me now._ Chang replies wordlessly.

Looking at the setting sun, they know they have nothing to worry about. They have so many days left where sun will rise and set again. Besides, who counts days, minutes, and second in the presence of someone who completes you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..I have posted 3 chapters unedited...sooner than later, i will do them again...until then....


End file.
